Welcome Authentic Mama Deborah! I met Deborah through Authentic Family Living. It is so refreshing to hear personal stories of mamas like Deborah nurturing their creativity alongside their children- and loving life! You can read more about Deborah and her beautiful family at her personal blog The Thought Train.
Deborah’s Bio: I’m 31, married for 10 years with four children – Amber, 6…Caleb, 4…Rebecca & Logan (twins) 21 months. We live in a little town called Sugar Grove in Northwestern Pennsylvania. I homebirthed all my children (twins were a surprise at the birth), co-sleep until they’re ready to move on, cloth diaper, exclusively breastfeed, and am unschooling. My hobbies include handbuilding/sculpting pottery, needlefelting, making corn husk dolls, reading, talking, walking, and just plain having fun with friends and family.
1. What did you learn about yourself (or what has changed you) since you became a mother? Oh, so many things! I have learned that the world has a whole lot more grey than I once thought. I used to think there was one right way to do things, and sought after that one right way for a long time. But my firstborn didn’t fit the mold of what “right” parenting meant. She wanted to be held, constantly, and nursed constantly. I was sleeping with her and “spoiling” her according to some. But I felt this was “right” for us – that if you could go back to Adam and Eve, surely they also slept with their precious child and held him all the time – why wouldn’t they??? A new human being, so dependent and marvelous…why the need to ignore them and put them in a separate space? Why was this considered better parenting?
2. What words of wisdom would you like to share about mothering? This too shall pass! Though there are many moments when I get tired of giving (two 21 month old’s nursing off an on for an hour during the ONLY show you watch all week on TV…or holding one in each arm with fevers all night) I know that I will NEVER regret having done all I could at this stage in their lives to BE THERE for them as much as possible. Yes, they have demanded much of me. But they are the most important things in my life besides my husband, and these moments are an investment. It isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.
3. How do you channel your creativity? This one depends! I have always liked crafting with my hands, and I’ve had ideas in my head for years that just float around. I didn’t discover my love for clay until my second child was a year old. I tried polymer clay, but it wasn’t quite for me. Then I tried ceramic clay, and I LOVE it. Before that, I also did a lot of corn husk dolls. And after the twins were born, I tried needle felting, which is sculpting with wool, basically. I also do things with the kids and enjoy seeing them experience something for the first time.
4. How do you harmonize motherhood and creativity? It isn’t easy…When my first child was born, I didn’t do much for myself that first year except read while she napped in my arms. But when she turned one, I was able to start doing a craft for an hour or so at a time while she played with finger paints or something. After my second was born, it was also about a year before I got into the clay while they played with playdoh or something else special (and eventually they also played in the clay with me.) After the twins were born, it was really, really tough. I daydreamed about my clay, A LOT!. I tried the needle felting as a substitute that wasn’t so messy and could be halted easier to rush upstairs to nurse again. But eventually, I just HAD to try the clay again, so when we moved our kitchen up next to our living room and put our dining table there, I decided to bring all my stuff down from the attic and put it in my old art supply containers from college (an art bin for the small stuff and a portfolio for the big stuff) and now I have easy access to my clay and a place to work that is easy to clean. The babies play with playdoh while I’m playing, and the older two play with the clay. Now that they are older, the babies play much longer periods without needing my direct interaction, and I find that I am SO happy after completing an idea that I give back to them by playing more in depth or doing something out of the ordinary for them (going to the mall to ride the “rides” when I normally wouldn’t, etc.) Clay is the one thing I can do that doesn’t need re-done later, unlike dishes, laundry, diapers, picking up toys. I can feel a sense of accomplishment, even if it’s just for my pure enjoyment. I’d love it if it someday led to some extra cash, but that day, if it happens, is far off.
5. Do you have a recent experience or challenge that has changed you (please explain how/why)? I think the twins would be the biggest challenge in my life thus far. I was expecting my third baby and was prepared to be the perfect mom, having done it two times before. I’d sling the baby and still go on our daily walk, get groceries, go to the library, playground, etc. But two babies…who nurse…not easy at all. Especially when they don’t like car seats, as my kids never have. So no grocery trips until they were over 6 months and sitting up…no playground trips as I can’t hold two babies that long and supervise the older two. No trips to libraries as the babies would fuss and I couldn’t nurse two in public very easily, and neither accepted pacifiers. No trips to Grandma’s three hours away as I couldn’t nurse both at the same time in the car and they both wanted to…No extra leg to hold my older “baby” on as I had two babies, each requiring their own leg to sit on…
6. What would you like to say to other mothers going through the similar challenges? It will get better! I promise! Just stick with it, do what you can when you can, and don’t think about all the “what-if’s.” It won’t change anything, anyway…
7. What inspires you, centers you, fulfills you- what is your passion? To be honest, my passion, when all is said and done, is to live life and to ENJOY IT. I do my clay because it’s FUN for me…I try to do bring out the fun side of all things in life for my kids – even work. Life is so short and precious. There is responsibility and lessons to be learned, of course. But it should also be enjoyed if possible. I am so blessed to live in a country and town where I can life a wonderful life, and to give my children a wonderful life, and hopefully pass that blessing on by helping other people and making their lives richer in some way, especially those less fortunate than us. I want to be thankful of what I have, and take advantage of our opportunities. We can be happy and be unselfish at the same time…in fact, giving to others often MAKES one happy…
8. How do you nurture yourself? Reading books for fun, playing with my clay, learning new things, and talking to other people about life in general.
This, I think, is what brings families closer together, regardless of how you school or sleep or birth, etc. I conscientiously make decisions to be closer to my children, and respect their desires and needs, and also show them how to respect others needs and desires. People being honest about who they are and not having to apologize for it…that is authenticity to me.
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I so agree that we ALL make mistakes, and what works for one does not necessarily work for another. As a single mom of young teens, I struggle every day with how open I should be with them in the “ways of the world”. I was validated with my openness when my 14 yr old asked me a question that a friend of her needed an answer to– that most kids wouldn’t dream of asking their parents. “Mom, how long does it take for birth control pills to start working?” SHe was texting a friend who asked her. Of course, after answering the question for her, and giving a little more advice for her to pass along– it fostered a very good discussion on sex and the role it SHOULD play in her life at this age. It was one of those moments that I said “I must have done something right”. I know many would disagree with my methods-but would their children come to them with such a sensitive question? Maybe not.