Last week me and the kids got a touch of the flu. I have went back and forth from thinking “it’s gone, oh yay!” to “it’s back again – oh no!” This one has really lingered! We rarely get sick so this was a real surprise. Besides learning that my body is trying to tell me to slow down, I also learned another valuable lesson this past week.
I lost my voice for a few days. I have no problem being silent during certain situations- alone time, hunting or fishing, in a massage session, in a classroom, during a ceremony for example . But to have to remain silent when you actually need to use your voice was a real learning experience!
After just a few hours of not being able to speak, one of the first things I noticed was when I am talking, I am not fully aware of other things that are going on around me. I always knew this to some extent, but we get into habits- even patterns of how we talk to certain people, sometimes we don’t have this awareness. Sure conversation is usually a friendly give and take exchange, but not being able to speak (in situations where I would normally do so) made me realize how much I tend to take the lead in conversation. Also, not necessarily words but also sounds- laughing, making funny noises to my babies, these are all sounds I make throughout the day without really being aware of how often I do them!
Just the energy of the tone of your voice for example can really change a dynamic of an interaction. I am a very naturally talkative person. I tend to use my voice to put others at ease in certain situations. It comes naturally to me so I did not realize how often I did this. I went to the store to get some soup (because I did not feel like making any) and was not able to say anything to the cashier (not even “hi” in an upbeat tone), he treated me completely different than what I am used to! Normally, if I felt a little uncomfortable I would try to change this energy by saying something nice. I was not able to do this so it was a little odd to just move through the line, pay for my item without saying anything.
The few days I have not been able to talk I have noticed a lot more and have been much more present. I have noticed patterns me and my husband tend to get into. Just how often I take the lead in our relationship (he tends to be the ‘quiet one’ and I am the ‘talkative one’). I have also noticed that since I am not speaking, my husband is speaking more (or am I just noticing it more?)! I have become a lot more creative with my gestures- just trying to get my point across- we have had a few laughs (well, smiles and coughs for me).
I have really been unconscious about how many times I say “no” and “stop” to my 2 1/2 year old daughter and my 11 month old son. I have had to get real creative about how I deal with the taking of toys/ not sharing, climbing on cupboards, and other things that tots do. This has been a real blessing because I did notice that I say the word “no” way too much, or even raise my voice from across the room out of laziness.
The best gift of the whole thing is being able to have even more empathy for my daughter who has a language disorder. What a wonderful gift to be able to get just a little taste of how she feels for a few days. I have felt the occasional frustration, and also have noticed how others act toward me- completely different when you don’t speak up, sometimes it’s good, other times not so much. That whole dynamic of others speaking louder, slower, etc, assuming you have a hard time understanding is very interesting. It is not a good feeling when someone (well intentioned) acts like this- it just solidifies my hope that others will treat my daughter just like everyone else, something I find myself reminding people of when they are talking about her ‘disorder’ or ‘treatment plans’ or ‘lack of words’ in front of her as if she cannot understand.
Also, just seeing how much I actually NEED my voice. I have had to cancel 2 conference calls- really inconvenient! I have a lot to say dang it!
It is one thing to say “think before you speak” but to actually not have the ability to speak and experience this for myself really solidified this lesson for me, not only that, I saw the impact my voice has on others, and for that I am grateful! This like many other things is best learned by experience.
Anyway, everyone should try this (if you can) for a few days. It has been a great learning experience for me! I am hoping this cold or flu- whatever it is. Will be gone soon, so I can get back to my old self- talking away (but thinking a little more before I do)!!! LOL! -not really laughing out loud, my throat is too sore- but I am in my mind:)
Anyone else ever loose your voice? Did you learn anything from it? Do you think your voice has an impact on others?
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s been a long time since I’ve lost my voice, but I can remember what it feels like to want to speak but to be unable to (or to be unable to because it was so painful to do so). I really enjoyed reading this post. It’s so interesting to think about what we use our voices for — both in good and bad ways — and how important they are to us. I have a lot to say and I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t communicate it…Can you even imagine if you could speak OR write OR sign? It would be the most frustrating thing not to be able to communicate with others. You’ve made me really think about my voice and I’m going to make sure I don’t take it for granted.
Many years ago, when I was in high school, we had a deaf acting troupe come to our school to present. We had a few workshops in small groups. One of these was to pretend we were in a restaurant and we had to order breakfast without the use of our hearing or voices. We had to attempt to communicate to our waiter what we wanted, how we wanted it done, and what size. The “menus” were purposely made to not be user friendly.
I have known sign language since I was 5 years old– a deaf family member taught me and continued to teach me until his death several years ago. But– at that time I did not rely on this. I sat back and observed my friends attempting to do this exercise. It is very mind opening.
I recall a time , I was also a teen, when kids were discussing my deaf Uncle in negative terms. They did not realize I was related to him. He was a janitor for the local churches and tended to “talk” to himself with his hands. Everyone assumed he was uneducated and simple– he was not. When they attempted to draw me into the conversation, I simply said– “Oh, you mean my deaf Uncle– awesome guy!”– and turned away.
We take our ability to communicate entirely too much for granted, as we do many many things in our lives. I find myself correcting my 14 yr old not for WHAT she says, but HOW she says it– yet, I don’t often correct myself for the same reasons. I think losing our voices is a great way to teach ourselves to communicate– not just talk!
Hi Angie,
I did lose my voice a few times, and I noticed the same thing. I was much more present. I think even my internal dialogue began to shut up a bit. Talking requires active thinking, and when your attention is on your thoughts, there isn’t much left for everything else.
Last time I lost my voice was a few years ago, when I wasn’t a real talkative person, but I did notice other people did seem to speak more than usual.
Good for you for turning your flu into a lesson in gratitude and self-examination. Speech and language are incredible gifts, and they’re so easy to take for granted.
David Cain’s last blog post..The Year With Two Summers
Positively Present: I am so glad you enjoyed the post! Yes, it is hard to imagine, we are truly blessed.
Angela- thank you so much for sharing that amazing and touching story. WOW, most teens would not be as mature and aware as you were. You have a wonderful gift. You are right, how you say it does make all the difference doesn’t it! And I firmly believe that words have power- more than we can even understand. I used to hate that saying ‘sticks and stones’ because I was a very sensitive child and words can hurt.
David: Thanks for stopping by again! You are so right, talking takes up more energy than we realize! I think people sometimes feel like they have to fill that silence when the other is not talking- it is so interesting isn’t it!
Thank you for the wonderful compliment:)
I hope you’re fully recovered. This brought back memories for me and was a timely reminder to me not to take the same things for granted. A foul virus messed up my voice, hearing, smell and taste the October before last and it terrified me. I don’t know how I would have managed if my kids had been smaller like yours are.
PS Loved Angela’s story, too.
Hi Janice, not out of the woods yet, my voice is gone again this afternoon, throat hurts, a little mucus. But all the other ‘stuff’ is gone, body aches, headache, nausea. It seems to come and go- I think I am feeling better than realize I still have it!
The good news is the kids feel much better. My son is still nursing so he was able to get my immunities, my daughter is feeling much better, maybe a little cough, but her boundless energy has returned:)
I haven’t lost my voice, but I am a Vipassana meditator and once a year I do a course, which involves ten days of silent meditation. The gifts that arise when we delve into silence are beyond priceless. Congratulations on losing your voice, and deepening the well.
Peace to you,
Molly
Molly’s last blog post..False Summit