Authentic Empowerment: self awareness part 2

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Greetings Everyone!

When I decided to bring Authentic Mama back as a blog, I really did a lot of thinking about what I wanted to focus on. There is so much ‘self help’ and ‘self improvement’ info out there, I did not want to come across as a blog that was about ‘fixing’ yourself- I wanted it to be about NOURISHING yourself, REJUVENATING yourself, and BECOMING yourself.

Too many people think that there is some big ‘secret’ out there, you can get just as addicted to information as you can to other substances, never living your own unique path.

My intention is to empower others to be THEMSELVES, not change into someone else (certainly not be like me!). This blog is a process on my journey too, I hope that some of the information I share can help you be the best version of yourself you can be!

I will be sharing some of the things that help me to return to center- with all the distractions in life it is easy to get thrown off from your soul’s true path. I believe that everyone was born with a purpose and we can get past the obstacles that seem to be in the way (Author Natalie Goldberg calls it the Guardians At The Gate) we can be the Hero’s/ Heroines of our own life’s journey.

SIDE NOTE: In fact some of the obstacles are there for a reason, to teach us and to make us stronger… yet another post!

As I said in the past post this is not about ‘fixing’ yourself or being ‘perfect’ it is about BECOMING your true self.

Some ‘imperfections’ are actually gifts, just because someone else does not like some of your ‘imperfections’ does not mean that you need to change- the only things you may need to consider changing are the things that are holding you back from being authentic.

I am not asking you to look at every little ‘imperfection’ about yourself and fix it, as long as you are not hurting yourself or others some of these could be celebrated and in fact make us unique from everyone else.

For example if you are not ‘good’ at housework or organization, maybe surround yourself with someone who is and you can enhance their lives with things that may not be part of their unique personality but things you are naturally good at and enjoy.

This is why I think that self awareness is so important, when you recognize these things and evaluate how you feel about them, you can stop beating yourself up about not being ‘good enough’, stop trying to control things and focus your energy in the wrong direction.

How much time is wasted trying to master something that is not right for you but was someone else’s idea of what you should be doing? This is not living with integrity, you are lying to yourself and to others.

I will talk more about approval seeking in another article, when you do some introspection you may find that these things you were trying to ‘change’ about yourself really don’t need to be changed at all. BUT if you are repeating behaviors that are hurting yourself or your family, keeping you from being authentic, read on!

This post is a continuation of Authentic Empowerment Step 1

Authentic empowerment:

If your goals are to have a positive impact on others, be of service while at the same time living from a place of authenticity and integrity, then self awareness is the first step.

There are a few definitions of impact- one is to strike against (by force) and the other is to have a positive effect. We can gain power by striking against someone with aggression or yelling. This approach does work (most of the time) in the short term- it is sometimes quick and effective, but you will have to suffer the consequences.

Most people who are forced to do things by aggression retaliate eventually, or even retaliate in the moment- heck you may have someone who is still waiting to get back at you if you use this method often. If you have a habit in doing this in relationships at work or home people will likely talk behind your back, spit in your burrito, or sue you the second they realize you have enough money for them to make a buck- you become the enemy and as soon as they see you at a weak point, they will strike.

I have a pretty loud voice naturally, the tone of it just carries- and this is in regular speech ( at least I don’t need a microphone:) When I let myself get burned out and tired one of my weaknesses is to lash out. The other day the kids were buck wild, one of the kids ran into me full blast with one of their wood toys, hitting me pretty hard in the side of the leg- I yelled “get out!” .

You may ask what the first reaction from daughter was. She stood frozen on the edge of the kitchen as if to say “hey, don’t yell at me or I will not move”. As I have mentioned in past post I was raised in a family where there was quite a bit of dysfunction.

My intention of course is always to improve and raise my children differently, but lashing out and yelling, while it does not come up often, is something I find myself having to consciously work on, simply because this was the norm in my family growing up and it became a reactionary habit.

If I am having an extra bad day, I now recognize my feelings. If I get bitchy and snappy I always apologize in the moment.

It is a process… I won’t say that I am not ashamed when I let this happen, but I always remind myself that no mother is perfect and I am doing the best I can to recognize and to improve (I don’t let guilt and shame eat away at me- instead I make a plan). I also take this as a signal that I need to learn to ask for help (another one of my weaknesses) I am working on it:)

When I do mess up I see the results, I don’t feel good, the kids do not feel good, it is simply not effective to have a fun and functioning household. I am not empowered (or I wouldn’t be reacting) and the kids are not learning a good way to live their everyday lives. There is a better solution that is usually more of a win/ win.

Authentic empowerment is based on;

1. A high degree of self awareness

2. Based on self responsibility

3. Intention is bigger than being ego driven (comes from our true authentic self- not based on seeking approval)

Using self awareness to move toward a more authentic life.

There are a few things you can do to become more self aware.

You can either journal this (writing down is a really good method because you can track your progress)-or take some time when there are no distractions or interruptions to evaluate the situation.

When an event happens where you feel dis-empowered (or you find yourself wishing you would have reacted another way), take some time for reflection and do an analysis what happened and your reaction to it.

Did you speak /express your authentic self fully -without blaming or judging- more on this HERE?
What are your ‘triggers’.
Do you notice a pattern?
What purpose did your reaction serve (For example, were you trying to protect your ego by not feeling ‘stupid’, were you trying to fit in, were you trying to control?)
What was your TRUE intention? Maybe your needs are not being met- a description of needs HERE
What will you attempt to change next time?
What were your immediate thoughts? For example; do you find yourself blaming others or taking responsibility for your part in the conflict?
What were your feelings (both physical and emotional)?

The reactionary dysfunctional patterns are learned behaviors that have probably sabotaged you in more ways than one- they are not part of your authentic soul. If you notice a physical response (sweating, rapid heart beat, stomach pains) this is stress.

Stress can cause multiple health issues that can hold you back, or even shorten your life. For this reason alone I think it is worth it to learn how to deal with everyday situations confidently and with integrity. When you are telling your truth clearly a compromise can more easily be made when there is a conflict- this makes it more likely to be a win/ win.

Recognizing and changing some things that may be holding yourself back from being your true authentic self is one of the best gifts you can give yourself, the people you love, and the world.

If you notice mistakes you have been making, learn from them then focus on what makes you shine! The only ‘regret’ you should have is abandoning your true authentic self.

Has there been a time when you have felt dis-empowered? Do you have some of your own strategies you would like to share? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!