“Why is it that when I don’t know what I want, there is always someone waiting to tell me what it is? I’m just lucky I guess. ~ Anne Wilson Schaef
Do you really know what your needs are?
If you are not living authentically, you may wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and wonder who the person is that is staring back at you.
If we get used to doing what everyone else expects of us, we may loose the ability to determine what we want. We may get confused about what it is exactly that is good and right for us. Our needs are not being met because we do not know what those needs are.
Unless you know what you want, what your values are, and what is right for you, you cannot be an honest person. You are not only being dishonest with yourself, but you are being dishonest with everyone you are trying to please. You may think you are pleasing them, but the reality is they will never get to know the real you.
People who will try to punish you for being authentic
In The Essential Laws of Fearless Living by Guy Finley he states ” Walk away from anyone who “helps” you to feel that it’s necessary for you to hurt; leave anyone who causes you pain for “your own good”.
Often we may fear being authentic about our wants, needs and values because of the reaction of others. In my view, honesty is the best policy. Real love is unconditional.
“Never accept as natural or necessary any relationship outwardly- or inwardly – with a person or psychological state that punishes you. Say “NO” and just go! A whole new independent life awaits you.” Guy Finely
Here is a great needs inventory from the Center For Nonviolent Communication
| CONNECTION acceptance affection appreciation belonging cooperation communication closeness community companionship compassion consideration consistency empathy inclusion intimacy love mutuality nurturing respect/self-respect safety security stability support to know and be known to see and be seen to understand and be understood trust warmth |
PHYSICAL WELL-BEING air food movement/exercise rest/sleep sexual expression safety shelter touch water HONESTY PLAY PEACE |
MEANING awareness celebration of life challenge clarity competence consciousness contribution creativity discovery efficacy effectiveness growth hope learning mourning participation purpose self-expression stimulation to matter understanding AUTONOMY |
This list may help you in your path to authenticity, do you recognize any of these needs that may not be getting met in your life right now? Are you able to communicate these needs in a healthy way with others?
Here are some great products and resources: Guy Finely Fearless Living
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I am going to slowly go through this list and make every effort to check of each and every line. This is an awesome tool– and a great start, even if we are being authentic to ourselves– it’s always great to re-evaluate and re-focus!
I agree! I really liked the list when I saw it. It helps to have a quick reference:)
Hi Angie,
Great post. I currently have been dealing with a respiratory infection. I have been at home in bed and in my pajamas since the weekend. It has been an interesting experience and made me realize a few things about myself and what I needed to work on. So your post kind of suits my mood. Very cool.
Hope all is awesome with you!
Hi Nadia! Ohhhh I hope you get better soon! Being sick is no fun, especially an infection, I am sorry you have to go through this. I am sending healing prayers~
I am glad you like the post:)
I am doing well.
blessings!
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I love this Angie!
Hi kim, I am so glad you like it! Thanks for reading:)
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Thanks for this post — it reminds me of how I’m constantly working with people who say that they don’t know what they want, but in fact they do and all they’re looking for is a safe environment where they won’t be shamed for telling anyone what it is.
Hi Angie,
First time to your site
Yeah it’s a great thing to be aware of your needs though it needs some courage. I mean when you are honest with your needs, people will stand across your way. And sometimes you have to give up some things. All these things need some courage. But the ending is always wonderful. It’s the reward you get for being authentic.
Cheers for a authentic life !
Thanks for the wonderful ideas! C ya again.
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Hi Chris! I am glad you found this post useful. I think that finding a way to express your needs with confidence (clearly and concisely), taking responsibility for our feelings (not shame or guilt toward others/ make excuses justify ) can be a challenge- especially if you have been putting your own needs aside for a long time. I believe that letting people know how we really feel (without demanding or threat) and what we need is a wonderful gift to give to others . Thanks for sharing your thoughts Chris!
Hi Vikum, thanks so much for stopping by! Yes, it does take courage to make this change, especially if you have been doing things differently for a long time (playing a ‘good girl’ or ‘good boy’ role). Others may not be used to this at first. But being honest (with compassion for others) is a wonderful skill to have.
We all have need, whether physical , spiritual or financial. We need to seek within our selves to obtain these desires. Only we can know what we want and pursue our desires. Avoidance of this will only create mental distress.