I really enjoy blogging. However, it can get a little overwhelming at times. Janice wrote a great post Guest House over on her site about some of the feelings she experiences on her blogging journey. It was an amazing how open and courageous she was about her experience. I have felt a similar roller coaster ride of emotions since my blogging journey began.
I have always been a very sensitive person. A few days ago I had someone pick apart me and my writing- nothing positive was said. I did not take it personally but it seemed to later have an effect on my overall energy. It is funny how the brain works. We think we let something go, but if we are not totally grounded and we are blindsided, it can effect us. Natalie Goldberg calls your own critical voice inside your head the ‘monkey mind’ of course everyone has their own, and this is hard enough to handle, so when some else backs it up with their own negative input, it can be a real downer. Honestly, I felt deflated even though my intention (and my logical brain) said just let it go.
I DO write for myself, and if I help someone in the process, great! But, when you are exploring a new creative interest, you are sometimes vulnerable, even if it feels natural for you to do it. You may be doing it for yourself, but having someone to inspire as opposed to criticize makes all the difference. That is why good coaches are always in demand. And even athletes with natural abilities require a coach to reach their full potential- sometimes it is that little extra push that makes the difference, gets you back in the zone.
I remember once when I was a teenager I was really intrigued with martial arts. I was always very in touch with my body and excelled at all of the previous sports I had ever tried. I started looking into some of the forms and moves of Tae Kwon Do. I was really feeling connected and excited about trying out this new sport. One day I was practicing some moves I had looked up in a book in the hallway of my house. I was practicing in the hallway because it was the only area of our home that did not have windows (our house was very open with windows all along the front and back) I was feeling self conscious so I wanted to give the kicks my all, without risking anyone seeing me. My step dad ‘caught’ me attempting to do a front kick. ‘what are you doing’ I remembering him asking laughing out loud, ‘I hope you don’t think you are good or something- what do you think you are some kind of Bruce Lee? You will never be able to be able to do that… and you will never be a match for a man’ I was humiliated and embarrassed. I immediately quit and did not take up martial arts again until college when I had encouragement from my instructor Master Chai- and I had a safe supportive environment to practice.
After the stinging comments about my blog post, it was not as if I was going to quit blogging, but I wasn’t exactly inspired either. I remember reading somewhere that it has been proven that the essence of how a writer is feeling can actually be sensed by others. I didn’t really want to publish a ‘downer’ piece of writing.
Then grace came into my life once again- a signpost on this blogging journey. I was at the library looking at educational DVD’s to pass the time (this was rare FREE time away from the kids that I could have easily used for writing). I didn’t feel like writing or reading, I thought ‘I am just going to veg out and learn about rocks’…. seriously it was a DVD about rocks. I am standing there and an old friend that I hadn’t talked to in months came up behind me (about scared me to death!) He said ‘have you always had your blog? I can’t believe I never followed your link before, your writing is amazing and came to me at just the right time! I really needed to read what you posted, really, it is life changing for me right now- it is just what I needed, it has helped me through a tough situation… Keep it up please!’.
Some may say that it is a total coincidence that my friend happened to read my blog even though I had not told him about it, that I happened to go to the library to look at a DVD about rocks, and he happened to be there at exactly the same time to tell me the good news…… But I choose to look at it as grace- a spiritual sign post of encouragement to keep me going in the direction that is right for me.
What do you think?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
No such thing as coincidence; it was synchronicity, m’dear! They’re always there, synchronicity’s signposts from the universe! I’m glad your friend told you what he did. You do have a gift. Your writing is fresh, personal and – no surprise – authentic. Why on earth would anyone pick it apart.!? Was it in an arena you can walk away from?
It was interesting to hear you enjoyed martial arts. Have you had a chance to check out Lori’s new blog, http://www.thinklikeablackbelt.com? She gives good advice on how to deal with the draining folk we can’t avoid.
Thank you for the link. That post of mine you mentioned was a real turning point for me. It was spontaneous and very authentic and had a cathartic effect. I reached out on the border of despair to ask folk what they needed or wanted from my blog, and the overwhelming response was “You – just be you!”
I think you’re definitely going in a direction that’s right for you, Angie. Bless the critics and the naysayers for the learning their negativity is gifting you with, then walk away and smell your flowers.
Hi Janice! synchronicity, I love that!
Thank you so much for the wonderful compliments about my writing!
I did walk away, and interestingly I did not think I was bothered by it. I get over things pretty quickly, but this sort of zapped my energy. I immediately thought back to the last time when someones criticisms stopped me from doing something and the memory of the Tae Kwon Do popped up. Usually, I am a pretty fiery spirit who has persistence regardless- so I really wanted to understand why I was having these feelings. After that memory came up I thought of it further- I realized I quit because I had no way of practicing in that environment without getting interrupted (plus no support). Then I realized- this blog is my domain… or Dojo – I can practice at will!!!! If someone does not like it they do not have to read:)
Thank you for the link! I have not had a chance to read a lot of blog posts, but I plan on catching up tonight.
I have been spending a lot of time with my flowers lately- always the most rejuvenating thing in the world to me:)
Life in general gives us downers from time to time for sure! I am there often with teenagers!
The “coincidences” in life are there for us to refocus and to relearn what we have forgotten– or at least that’s what I believe.
As you know, my fiance has been gone for 1 yr, 3 months now– and this past year has been an interesting journey to say the least. Definite ups and downs in life– with my own emotions, with dealing with his daughters, with dealing with my own daughters. I’ve heard often that I should just let this go, or drop that from my life– it’s not my repsonsibility, it’s not my obligation.
I recently have become a member on a social networking site and been meeting some wonderful people. One friend in particular that I spend a great deal of time with turns out to be very similar to my late fiance. Right down to his love of music. Eli was a FANATIC about music– I have at least 200GB of music amassed over various hard drives and BOXES of CD’s in storage. While packing for my camping trip, I ran across several of these boxes. Many people have liked SOME of the music, but never have I met anyone that appreciated ALL of it– until Jay. I have been feeding him everything from Smokey Robinson to Gwen Stefani– and he just eats it all up.
Ok– so what does this have to do with coincidence? I have been trying to figure out what to do with the extra computer of Eli’s– complete with 40GB of music on the hard drive, and how on earth to appreciate all this music on CD, while still being true to what Eli would have wanted. — I truly believe that Jay coming into my life right now has given me a way to memorialize Eli, and to be able to let him live on while not dwelling on the past. Jay is appreciating his tremendous amount of work– and the even in death, Eli is imparting his wonderful happiness to others– through me!
It gives me a renewed sense of myself, and gives me a way to rediscover things with someone new– and move forward like I should be.
Hi Angela, that story is just beautiful! I love how you are able to rediscover things and at the same time memorialize Eli. As you said he is passing on the things he enjoyed in life, and others are able to experience that through (and because of) you! That is so awesome!
We are all allowed to experience our emotions how we want and when we want. Usually when others are telling us how to do things it is because they feel uncomfortable. Feelings are a part of life, this journey is your own and you can experience it in your own time and on your own terms. I think this is no coincidence~
Hi Angie,
Hearing this is just what I needed right now. I am embariking on a new journey to find my own authentic self and some days are much smoother than others. However, just this past week I have noticed the fruits of my labor coming to pass.
I have joined a new group that is a continuous source of inspiration in my writing. I have also been hired on a semi permanent basis as a writer so that I will have more consistant amount of pay coming in.
Those are just a few of the things that have started to turn for the better because of my getting in tune with myself.
Thank you for your constant inspiration.
Hi Michele, I am so happy you found an inspiring group for support on your writing journey. This makes all the difference doesn’t it! Congratulations on the writing job! It is so wonderful to get paid for something you love.
It sounds like by living your authentic life everything seems to be coming together for you! Awesome!
I am so grateful that my writing inspires you, this in turn inspires me:) Thank you!
Oh, I love your post (which I came to via your free live with passion and boldness e-course!). Thank you for the reminder about Signposts — and grace. And talk about synchronicity. The revelation I had about Deer Medicine in my life has certainly reverberated with synchronicities in my own life and others! I love the magic that springs forth when our lives our in alignment! Whoo hoo
I love that you determined to watch a DVD on rocks to veg out. That is so cool.
Hi Jane, I am so glad you liked it! I also love your post about deer medicine, you are so open ~ experiencing life and herbs with all your senses and you express it so eloquently ~ thank you!
I am sort of a nature/ anthropology documentary nerd… I love the discovery, travel and history channel when I do want to watch TV:)