Self Esteem- Why it is crucial …and  a few resources for you!

Without High Self Esteem You Cannot Be Authentic

Why work on your self esteem? There are a lot of ‘self help’ programs out there that say they will take you to the next level, give you the one secret to success, change your life for the better- and they may!

However, if you do not have high self esteem for a foundation, your choices will not be coming from a place of authenticity.

People with high self esteem don’t conform to what other people impose on to them- but instead make their decisions based on what is true to them…. they follow their own heart!

Here are some major areas in your life that self esteem effects:

1. Your chosen field of study/ work

2. Beliefs

3. Goals

4. Habits

5. Lifestyle

6. Relationships

7. Choices

In future articles we will be going into detail with this inner work (your self esteem), we will explore where the above areas are actually coming from (are they authentic to you or are your beliefs/ choices / habits/ values coming from other sources).

Change is never easy, and most people rarely take personal responsibly for their life. If you have high self esteem (self love, self worth) you are rich (whether you have money or not) – when you focus on your self esteem and your own authenticity, your gifts and your purpose will become clear to you and you will be able to make the right choices for yourself.

When you have high self esteem it will be easier for you to deal with the backlash you will receive when you attempt to change for the better. You would think that others would want the best for you, but when you change this is scary to them because the person they know is not your full authentic self (when you have low self esteem you make choices based on seeking approval rather than what is best for you- they judge you based on these choices)- so they believe in the old you- not the REAL you.

The good news is that when you are yourself your true friends will stay true and all others will not be in the picture anymore (their dysfunctional ways no longer work for you, and this does not work for them either- they will be on a different path).

When your self esteem is high you stop sabotaging yourself, even when failure occurs you realize it is part of the learning journey.

Notice how ‘lifestyle’ is one of the areas? Yes self esteem even affects your lifestyle- living a WHOLEistic life (being in balance) depends on your sense of self worth- since this is what your choices are based on!

So be the light not the judge! Set the example by making your self worth and self esteem a priority daily. This is an ongoing exercise.

***You need support. Surround yourself with supportive people with the same goals in mind. I found a really cool community called BraveHeart Women. I like this community because it has a lot of choices (you can search the community and find resources like passion and purpose, self esteem and empowerment, personal prosperity, global contribution as well as private communities). There are also blogs and discussions- a great resource for women!

BraveHeart Women Global Community Mission Statement:

To connect the Women of the world together in order to receive & give Inspiration in the areas of Self-Esteem, Empowerment, Purpose, Passion and Personal Prosperity while enhancing the world by being Brave Women who live from the Heart.

***Notice how ‘Brave’ is in the title? It does take courage to live from your heart:) If you are on a journey to be your true authentic self I applaud you!

More Resources:

If you love herbalism and wilderness awareness, the Anima Center has excellent holistic courses that include inner work as well- one of my personal mentors is Kiva Rose Hardin- if she has space available I encourage you to check out her courses if you feel she is a good fit.

There are many other online communities out there (as well as local support in your area). Find what fits for you and make your inner work a priority!

What are your thoughts on self esteem? Have you ever had a challenging experience with someone close to you who has low self esteem? Have you made wrong choices for you based on your low self esteem at the time? I would love to hear about it in the comments below!

Related articles

• 10 ways to value yourself and your family -boost self esteem (authenticmama.com)
• Why do Some Children Have Low Self-Esteem and Depression? (brighthub.com)

Be authentic, but don’t be self righteous about it.

” Too often we get hung up on the form of our growth, trying to find the “right” way to do it and then being self-righteous with others about our personal approach” From Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken: Transform Your Life with the Power of Authenticity

It’s pretty exciting when we are learning and growing and it really seems to be working for us. Whether it is a new spiritual path, a form of parenting style, or a lifestyle change, when we have that ‘ah ha’ moment it is tempting to tell everyone we care about it so they can experience the joy too.

There is nothing wrong with sharing what you know and your enthusiasm, and there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries if others cross the line.

However, as I mentioned in my self awareness post When it comes to being truly authentic, the intention is bigger than being ego driven (comes from our true authentic self- not based on seeking approval).

How many times have you met someone who ‘found’ a new spiritual path, diet plan, or parenting tactic and all of a sudden they are putting you down for your lack of following it- they must be right no matter the cost! By them being right it affirms that what they are following is okay, and they must have your approval. If you don’t agree with them then there is something wrong with you (even though just last year they were cheating on their husband in the back seat of the family minivan behind the pub- but now they have seen the light, and it is their job to judge you).

You may be asking ‘what about constructive criticism? ‘ well, if it is not asked for it is not welcome. Even when advice is asked for getting to preachy can be a big turn off. People are not going to be shamed into changing, and it is not going to inspire them to embrace your ‘right’ views.

Even if what you are doing is working wonders for you, it may not be ‘right’ for everyone else. A big part of being authentic is being compassionate and accepting of others, even if you don’t agree.

When you place your focus on others you are taking the focus off yourself. When it comes to self growth, what others are doing is not really that important.

What is important and what you should be asking yourself is:

• What do I need to deal with and heal inside myself in order to be the best version of myself I can be?
• How can I create the best environment or circumstance in which my growth will be supported and enhanced?
• What do I need to be fulfilled?

Choosing to grow and REALLY knowing yourself is hard stuff- for some it is a lifelong journey. We are all growing and changing, we can support each other with compassion without being judgmental.

Have you ever had someone judge you when you try to be more authentic? Leave your comments below I would love to hear from you!

Related articles

• Mike Robbins: Seeing Adversity As Happening for Us, Not to Us (huffingtonpost.com)

Greetings Everyone!

When I decided to bring Authentic Mama back as a blog, I really did a lot of thinking about what I wanted to focus on. There is so much ‘self help’ and ‘self improvement’ info out there, I did not want to come across as a blog that was about ‘fixing’ yourself- I wanted it to be about NOURISHING yourself, REJUVENATING yourself, and BECOMING yourself.

Too many people think that there is some big ‘secret’ out there, you can get just as addicted to information as you can to other substances, never living your own unique path.

My intention is to empower others to be THEMSELVES, not change into someone else (certainly not be like me!). This blog is a process on my journey too, I hope  that some of the information I share can help you be the best version of yourself you can be!

I will be sharing some of the things that help me to return to center- with all the distractions in life it is easy to get thrown off from your soul’s true path. I believe that everyone was born with a purpose and we can get past the obstacles that seem to be in the way (Author Natalie Goldberg calls it the Guardians At The Gate) we can be the Hero’s/ Heroines of our own life’s journey.

SIDE NOTE: In fact some of the obstacles are there for a reason, to teach us and to make us stronger… yet another post!

As I said in the past post this is not about ‘fixing’ yourself or being ‘perfect’ it is about BECOMING your true self.

Some ‘imperfections’ are actually gifts, just because someone else does not like some of your ‘imperfections’ does not mean that you need to change- the only things you may need to consider changing are the things that are holding you back from being authentic.

I am not asking you to look at every little ‘imperfection’ about yourself and fix it, as long as you are not hurting yourself or others some of these could be celebrated and in fact make us unique from everyone else.

For example if you are not ‘good’ at housework or organization, maybe surround yourself with someone who is and you can enhance their lives with things that may not be part of their unique personality but things you are naturally good at and enjoy.

This is why I think that self awareness is so important, when you recognize these things and evaluate how you feel about them, you can stop beating yourself up about not being ‘good enough’, stop trying to control things and focus your energy in the wrong direction.

How much time is wasted trying to master something that is not right for you but was someone else’s idea of what you should be doing? This is not living with integrity, you are lying to yourself and to others.

I will talk more about approval seeking in another article, when you do some introspection you may find that these things you were trying to ‘change’ about yourself really don’t need to be changed at all. BUT if you are repeating behaviors that are hurting yourself or your family, keeping you from being authentic, read on!

This post is a continuation of Authentic Empowerment Step 1

Authentic empowerment:

If your goals are to have a positive impact on others, be of service while at the same time living from a place of authenticity and integrity, then self awareness is the first step.

There are a few definitions of impact- one is to strike against (by force) and the other is to have a positive effect. We can gain power by striking against someone with aggression or yelling. This approach does work (most of the time)  in the short term- it is sometimes quick and effective, but you will have to suffer the consequences.

Most people who are forced to do things by aggression retaliate eventually, or even retaliate in the moment- heck you may have someone who is still waiting to get back at you if you use this method often. If you have a habit in doing this in relationships at work or home people will likely talk behind your back, spit in your burrito, or sue you the second they realize you have enough money for them to make a buck- you become the enemy and as soon as they see you at a weak point, they will strike.

I have a pretty loud voice naturally, the tone of it just carries- and this is in regular speech ( at least I don’t need a microphone:) When I let myself get burned out and tired one of my weaknesses is to lash out. The other day the kids were buck wild, one of the kids ran into me full blast with one of their wood toys, hitting me pretty hard in the side of the leg- I yelled “get out!” .

You may ask what the first reaction from daughter was. She stood frozen on the edge of the kitchen as if to say “hey, don’t yell at me or I will not move”. As I have mentioned in past post I was raised in a family where there was quite a bit of dysfunction.

My intention of course is always to improve and raise my children differently, but lashing out and yelling, while it does not come up often, is something I find myself having to consciously work on, simply because this was the norm in my family growing up and it became a reactionary habit.

If I am having an extra bad day, I now recognize my feelings.  If I get bitchy and snappy I always apologize in the moment.

It is a process… I won’t say that I am not ashamed when I let this happen, but I always remind myself that no mother is perfect and I am doing the best I can to recognize and to improve (I don’t let guilt and shame eat away at me- instead I make a plan). I also take this as a signal that I need to learn to ask for help (another one of my weaknesses) I am working on it:)

When I do mess up I see the results, I don’t feel good, the kids do not feel good, it is simply not effective to have a fun and functioning household. I am not empowered (or I wouldn’t be reacting) and the kids are not learning a good way to live their everyday lives. There is a better solution that is usually more of a win/ win.

Authentic empowerment is based on;

1. A high degree of self awareness

2. Based on self responsibility

3. Intention is bigger than being ego driven (comes from our true authentic self- not based on seeking approval)

Using self awareness to move toward a more authentic life.

There are a few things you can do to become more self aware.

You can either journal this (writing down is a really good method because you can track your progress)-or take some time when there are no distractions or interruptions to evaluate the situation.

When an event happens where you feel dis-empowered (or you find yourself wishing you would have reacted another way), take some time for reflection and do an analysis what happened and your reaction to it.

• Did you speak /express your authentic self fully -without blaming or judging- more on this HERE?
• What are your ‘triggers’.
• Do you notice a pattern?
• What purpose did your reaction serve (For example, were you trying to protect your ego by not feeling ‘stupid’, were you trying to fit in, were you trying to control?)
• What was your TRUE intention? Maybe your needs are not being met- a description of needs HERE
• What will you attempt to change next time?
• What were your immediate thoughts? For example; do you find yourself blaming others or taking responsibility for your part in the conflict?
• What were your feelings (both physical and emotional)?

The reactionary dysfunctional patterns are learned behaviors that have probably sabotaged you in more ways than one- they are not part of your authentic soul. If you notice a physical response (sweating, rapid heart beat, stomach pains) this is stress.

Stress can cause multiple health issues that can hold you back, or even shorten your life. For this reason alone I think it is worth it to learn how to deal with everyday situations confidently and with integrity. When you are telling your truth clearly a compromise can more easily be made when there is a conflict- this makes it more likely to be a win/ win.

Recognizing and changing some things that may be holding yourself back from being your true authentic self is one of the best gifts you can give yourself, the  people you love, and the world.

If you notice mistakes you have been making, learn from them then focus on what makes you shine! The only ‘regret’ you should have is abandoning your true authentic self.

Has there been a time when you have felt dis-empowered? Do you  have some of your own strategies you would like to share? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

Related articles

• Authenticity (psychologytoday.com)
• Self Confidence – 10 Simple Things You Can Do Now to Become More Empowered Tomorrow (socyberty.com)
• Shifts to Empowerment (defyinggravity3.wordpress.com)
• Your Personal Power-Up: Five Steps to Take Control of Your Life and Career (prnewswire.com)

Hello everyone! This is a big subject so look for a series of blog posts coming in the next few weeks on authenticity and empowerment, and how this can help you connect with others, become a positive role model, and live your true purpose.

Personal Awareness

You may have heard it 100 times before “the answer is within”, easy right? Now that you know the secret you should have no problem living your life authentically and being empowered right? Well, for most of us it is not that easy.

The best way I can describe acting from a place of self awareness is to mention it’s opposite- reactionary. Have you ever had the feeling that you were not yourself, that you reacted to something and regretted it? Do you find yourself having to lecture and explain yourself instead of just speaking your truth without blame or judgment in a confident and concise way?

Why is it that when we are seeking to be empowered and authentic, the skills that we are attempting to learn and use abandon us when we need them the most?

How many times have you left a situation that you know you did not follow your instincts- “I should have said this” or “I shouldn’t have agreed to do  ____” fill in the blank…

Why does this happen? The main reason is lack of self awareness at the time of the event. Some people refer to this as a ‘dear in the headlights’  moment or a reactionary moment. Instead of coming from a confident ‘knowing’ place we are simply re-playing old destructive patterns that do not work for us or bring us closer to being authentic. We lack the tools to respond because we are not in touch with our intentions, emotions, and/or our core beliefs and interpretations.

We all begin this life expressing our needs without a problem. Babies do not explain themselves, if they need something they let us know in no uncertain terms- they cry when they need to be fed or changed, and they don’t ask permission or make apologies.

The other day my four year old daughter Ella made me so proud I cried. To give a little background, up until a few months ago Ella was communicating mainly by sign language. She just began answering yes and no questions, as well as speaking in conversational sentences a few months ago.

Someone (I won’t mention names due to privacy reasons) said  to her “well you don’t have a choice” Ella’s reply was “yes, I do have a choice”. WOW! She did not need me to dive in and rescue her, that was the best response I have ever heard! Ella has not been conditioned to please others yet, she is coming from a place of 100% integrity (oh to be able to start out fresh at four years old!).

At some point from when we are a baby to when we are adults we learn to manipulate, distort, deny, repress, and lie to others and ourselves about our true selves and our true feelings, and slowly we loose our true selves in the process. We are conditioned to do this by society, our family, and others. We follow along to simply survive.

By the time it is our turn to be parents we can completely forget who we truly are, we have spent so much time pleasing and conforming in order to survive or fit in we lost our true selves somewhere along the way.

Most of us know what we don’t want, but how many of us, without a doubt, know what we DO truly want? If we begin to get a feeling for what we want (or the direction we want to go to follow our true purpose), our first reaction may be to ask our peers what they think, or do research.

Here is the problem, even though you may find no shortage of ‘good’ or ‘right’ advice from others (this includes books, the net, and seminars)- they really can’t truly know what is best for you! Only you know your true purpose and the only way your are going to find it is by true self awareness. Sure you can use tools to help you get there, but in the end it is up to you to follow your inner voice.

Thales of Milet, a philosopher in the sixth century B.C was asked ” What is the most difficult of all things?” he replied “To know yourself” when asked “What is the easiest in life?” his response was “Giving others good advice.”

Back to choice: The fact is we do have a choice weather or not we act from a place of self awareness or not. Some of the things that get in the way of this are:

1. Societies values: For the most part our society is about spending and consuming- this does not encourage self awareness.

2. Time: It seems that here in the USA many of us fill our schedule and don’t make enough time for self growth. We are burned out. We continue to live life on auto pilot.

3. Approval seeking: Instead of acting from a place of authenticity, we wish to seek approval from others (this is mainly ego/ fear driven).

In the next post I will talk more about self awareness as well as give you some tools you can use to incorporate living from a place of self awareness in your everyday life (even when your buttons are pushed!).

These tools will help you to communicate with others better, and you will discover your true values and priorities so you can move toward the direction of living your true purpose. If you are reacting out of anger or fear and this is having a negative impact on your life, we will discuss how you can recognize your needs as well as learn to recognize and transform destructive patterns so you can come from a place of authenticity and empowerment.

In the meantime I want to mention this is not about being perfect! Everyone is reactionary from time to time, this is truly a process. In fact when you truly know yourself and your intentions you are a lot more likely to let go of control and be much more compassionate with yourself and others.

You learn to trust yourself and with trust comes understanding. The first step is awareness – you can recognize you ‘blew it’ and learn from it so you can hopefully do better next time around. Slowly but surely you can start to become more present, and choose your responses to others based on your TRUE feelings not old dysfunctional patterns you have been repeating.  There is no such thing as failure – only learning.

Where are you at when it comes to self awareness? I honor your responses/ comments and would love to hear from you!

Courage allows the successful woman to fail-
and learn powerful lessons-
from the failure-
so that in the end,
she didn’t fail at all.
– Maya Angelou

Resource: High-Impact communication skills with Susan Baile Volume 1 1992

Related articles

• Authenticity (psychologytoday.com)
• Mike Robbins: Seeing Adversity As Happening for Us, Not to Us (huffingtonpost.com)
• Integrity Right to the Core (LearnThis.ca)
• Self Confidence – 10 Simple Things You Can Do Now to Become More Empowered Tomorrow (socyberty.com)

“Why is it that when I don’t know what I want, there is always someone waiting to tell me what it is? I’m just lucky I guess. ~ Anne Wilson Schaef

Do you really know what your needs are?

If you are not living authentically, you may wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and wonder who the person is that is staring back at you.

If we get used to doing what everyone else expects of us, we may loose the ability to determine what we want. We may get confused about what it is exactly that is good and right for us.  Our needs are not being met because we do not know what those needs are.

Unless you know what you want, what your values are, and what is right for you, you cannot be an honest person. You are not only being dishonest with yourself, but you are being dishonest with everyone you are trying to please. You may think you are pleasing them, but the reality is they will never get to know the real you.

People who will try to punish you for being authentic

In The Essential Laws of Fearless Living by Guy Finley he states ” Walk away from anyone who “helps” you to feel that it’s necessary for you to hurt; leave anyone who causes you pain for “your own good”.

Often we may fear being authentic about our wants, needs and values because of the reaction of others. In my view, honesty is the best policy. Real love is unconditional.

“Never accept as natural or necessary any relationship outwardly- or inwardly – with a person or psychological state that punishes you. Say “NO” and just go! A whole new independent life awaits you.” Guy Finely

Here is a great needs inventory from the Center For Nonviolent Communication

This list may help you in your path to authenticity, do you recognize any of these needs that may not be getting met in your life right now? Are you able to communicate these needs in a healthy way with others?

Here are some great products and resources:   Guy Finely Fearless Living

The good girl

You may be thinking, ‘isn’t it good to be  ‘well behaved”?  If you are being genuine, it is your choice,  and you are not coming from a space of fear, then of course it is. On the flip side, being overly ‘well behaved’ can actually be dangerous, a girl may feel afraid to speak up when she is having a health issue, another girl may be afraid to tell a boy ‘no’  who is making sexual advances (and it is making her uncomfortable) , a boy may feel pressure from his peers to commit an act of violence, these are just a few extreme examples- but there are many more less obvious ones.

If you are being ‘good’ because you are afraid, resentment for others will begin to stew as you chip away your own needs and wants- this can be taxing on self esteem. It can be insidious, you may not even realize you are doing it.

Do you go ahead and eat something (cold, tastes bad, or the wrong order)  because you don’t want to ‘bother’ the wait staff?

Do you always say ‘yes’ right away because you don’t want to seem cold or unavailable to others? Resulting in you over- scheduling yourself/ feeling exhausted ?

Do you let yourself be pressured into things/ situations that are not right for you?

Do you not tell the truth because you are afraid you may hurt other people’s feelings?

Do you go against your gut feelings because you want to please others? And then later regret it?

Do you find it hard to ask for directions/ to speak up when you need help?

Standing up for yourself may have consequences- and others may not always like it

~but it’s necessary and worth it in the long run~

If you read my previous post I discuss how I made a decision that if I was ever put in that position – I would ‘do what I need to do’.  I had the opportunity in Mr. Kyles earth science class 5 years later to put this promise I made to myself to the test. I always had a problem speaking up to authority and a terrible fear of ‘getting in trouble’ or disappointing an authority figure- especially teachers. So asking to go to the bathroom (and going anyway after being told no) may not seem like a big deal, but it is the courage to do the little everyday things that are necessary to stand up for ourselves that give us the courage to really do it when the big major things arise.

The day it happened

Earth Science class was right after lunch, even though I would stop to go to the bathroom before class, it seemed like I always had to go again half way through. You were not allowed to drink or eat during classes, so of course during lunch I would make up for it with a 24 once cup full of Coca Cola.

Mr Kyle had this ridiculous rule that you could only go to the bathroom 3 times per year. He must have really loved this rule because he spent half of the first day of class explaining how he kept track of your bathroom breaks, and how he would not let anyone go past 3 under any circumstances.

I raised my hand and asked the dreaded question “can I go to the bathroom?” Mr kyles said “Well Angie, I think you used up your privileges, but let me take a look”. He opens his forest green ‘everyone’s bathroom habits’ notebook “Yep, just as I thought, you have used them all”. “But I really need to go” I replied. “Sorry, you should have thought of that at lunch, now get to work”.

My mind automatically thought back to Terry (who did not feel she could stand up for herself, so she ended up having an ‘accident’ in class), and all of sudden I could think of nothing else, I was afraid I was going to loose it. “I am sorry Mr Kyle but I have to go NOW” I said.  “YOU WILL NOT” I hear Mr Kyle state in the background as I am running down the hallway, out the double doors, halfway through the commons I had to stop and cross my legs- I managed to gather myself and made it to the bathroom. I hadn’t even came out of the stall when heard the click, click, click of Principle Myer’s maroon pumps on the tile floor. The clicking stopped and she stood there, her two feet right in front of my stall. When I came out Mrs Myer’s was giving me the evil eye”Come with me” ….

This was a major problem. You don’t just walk out of the classroom. I tried to explain that I had to go and it couldn’t wait. This was not good enough. I was taken out of Mr. Kyles classroom, had to re-take earth science the next year, my parents were called and I was sent home for the day.   My step dad delighted in grounding me for 2 weeks over the whole affair, and I got the lecture of how I should have thought about having to pee during the lunch break.

It was excruciating but worth it. I was told later by my science partner Matt that everyone in the classroom went into an uproar after I left- cheering and wailing. Turns out I was a catalyst to a near riot. The following weeks were full of hallway high-fives and ‘right on!’ from friends and strangers alike.

“Real authenticity is not some set of rules or a self-righteous definition about how people “should” be in life…it is the willingness and courage to be real, true, transparent, and vulnerable in the moment-by-moment, day-by-day experience of being in relationship with others and living this magical, mysterious, wonderful, crazy, exciting thing we call life.~ Mike Robbins”

If you want to make a positive difference in other people’s lives, you have to make a positive difference in your own life first.

If you have been playing the ‘good girl’ role, you may find it hard to start saying no, or disappointing others. As Cheryl Richardson states in her book Extreme Self Care.

“Most of us don’t like to hurt or disappoint our fellow men and women. It’s an uncomfortable thing to do. Some common reasons for this are:

We don’t want to feel guilty.
We don’t want to disappoint others because we know how bad it feels.
We don’t have the language to let someone down with grace and love.
Our fear of conflict and our desire to keep the peace keep us from telling the truth.
We want people to like us and are uncomfortable when they don’t. ”

Read Cheryl’s article to find out how to say ‘no’ with grace and love..

As a young girl,  I was proud of the fact that I was such a well behaved child, a ‘good girl’.

Sometime around the 4th grade I began to make a gradual shift from the ‘good girl’ role. I was getting tired of always feeling uncomfortable, not expressing how I really felt, and having to be so damn patient. I feared disapproval and craved acceptance, but something in me was changing.

In the 4th grade an event happened that changed my thinking, made me rethink this whole persona I was playing.

Mr. Skirtese was my 4th grade teacher. He was odd to say the least. No one could guess how old he really was, was he 50? was he 70? no one knew. He acted as if he was from a different planet (or perhaps arrived her on a time machine from some other country), some place where they wore big ties and spoke words people never used in the 80′s like ‘lavatory’. He always wore socks that were mismatched, and ties that were too big with odd color combination’s like salmon pink, turquoise,  and grass green.

Mr. Skirtese had a crush on my mom so he made sure that he always gave me extra ‘attention’,  constantly helping me with my assignments, leaning over to check my work. I sat there cringing,  he smelled like a combination of mothballs, stale coffee, and Pall Mall cigarettes. ‘Just get away from me’ I would think, as he was going over how to spell ‘scissors’ on more time. I just knew that the only reason he was being so nice to me was because he liked my mom.

Mr Skirtese drove me absolutely nuts, not to mention the fact that he put me in the position of ‘teacher’s pet’ something I did not want. I was loosing friends over the whole deal, they were starting to think that I was some sort of ‘goody two-shoes’. I couldn’t have that, I was still trying to assert myself as the schoolyard tom-boy.  I detested the teasing,  it pissed me off so bad that later in the year I ended up putting a tack on his chair (something I had NEVER done or even considered doing as the ‘good girl’), when he asked who did it, I admitted it on the spot. “I’m surprised at you Angie, this is not like you” I remember hearing him say. This of course backfired, because what followed was a series of parent teacher conferences, talking about my ‘problems’ while having to watch Mr Skirtese bat his eyes at my mom- YUK!

On the first day of class Mr Skirtese told everyone it was time to go to the lavatory.  Everyone eagerly lined up in a perfectly straight line outside the classroom thinking we were heading off to some fun science experiment involving volcanoes- turns out he was just taking us on a bathroom break. “Here in Troutdale we call it the bathroom” Tony Harris pipes up, before he lost his ‘lavatory’ privilege.

Mr Skirtese had specific rules for when the ‘lavatory’ would be used. So when Terri Ellis raised her hand to go- we all knew the answer would be no. I sat there and watched as Terri’s face turn pomegranate red, tears streaming down her cheeks, she sat there uncomfortable and scared. “Please Mr. Skirtese, I REALLY need to go” she pleaded. “Sorry Terri, Lavatory break was earlier today” Mr Skirtese said, sitting at his desk,  not looking up from his grading sheet.

There was a trickling sound, everyone turned to look at Teri, there was an uncomfortable silence when we saw the yellow stream of liquid flowing from Terry’s chair onto the floor. I wanted to go to her but the rules state we are to stay in our seats. She stood up, embarrassed and crying, hands covering her face,  her Normandy Rose Jeans dark with the wetness of urine- both front and back. Mr Skirtese  jumped up from his desk, he walked briskly toward Terri. Forcing a loud harsh whisper he said “If you really had to go that bad, you should have just went”.

Everyone was rushed out of class into the hallway.  The janitor came in a few minutes later with his long yellow gloves, a bucket and some sort of sanitizer.

I always regretted not going to Terri….

I also knew that that could have easily been me. I spent all of my previous years (however few) being the good girl, afraid to stand up for myself.

I told myself then and there- ‘I gotta do what I gotta do, if I ever have to go to the bathroom, (I mean REALLY have to go) I am going to do it- regardless of what ANYONE says’.

That is when I slowly started changing from the shy ‘good’ girl, to the still ‘pretty good’ rebellious teen, to the authentic woman I am now…

My opportunity came 5 year later: Read Part 2 Here

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. Albert Einstein

I use the example above of how growing up in a school environment can make it extremely hard to be authentic. We often feel pressure to pick a role for ourselves just so we can get through the day.  Sometimes these habits drift into our adult lives, effecting our everyday living long after we have graduated.

Do you go against your gut feelings because you want to please others and later regret it?

Do you have a ‘role’ or ‘persona’ that is not authentic to you?

Continue to part 2

More Resources;

Discover your true purpose, live witout fear and stress

Medicine Woman Core Course

Some names in the story have been changed:)

Hi everyone! My name is Angie Goodloe (also known as authentic mama). I’m an herbalist who loves to teach others about herbal medicine, holistic living and real food. I have two amazing toddlers – Ella 4 and Wyatt 3 as of this writing.

Since we can’t afford to travel the world (yet), we try to make the most of where we live. We strive to live a more sensuous, deliberate, earthy existence, in our small house (that is in constant need of repair it seems), with our limited garden space,  in a somewhat suburban neighborhood here in Sandy Oregon.

I embrace motherhood, getting in touch with the earth that produces our food and herbal medicine, spending time with the people I love- and striving to be the best version of myself.

Me and the kids love to get outside and get moving, enjoy nature, tell stories, and work with our hands.

My goal for authentic mama is not only to share my personal life but also to inspire other moms to attain more vitality by being true to themselves and living a holistic lifestyle. My passion is also  herbal medicine so of course I envision a practicing herbalist in every home!

I hope you enjoy my blog about my simple (and sometimes not so simple) life. I invite you to gather around the table with me, let’s eat and toast (grab your tea or wine!) to a more holistic life!

Short professional Bio:

I am a self taught herbalist (constantly learning & growing) who also has a Master Herbalist diploma from The American College Of Healthcare Sciences (ACHS). I love herbalism because I feel there is always something new to learn from the plants. I teach basic herbal online courses at universalclass.com &  www.kidsandherbs.com.

I also have a certificate in holistic nutrition from ACHS. I have experience as a wellness director,nutrition consultant, personal trainer & aerobics instructor.

I received my massage license (LMT #10528) from East West College in Portland Or. in 2002- I enjoy practicing Deep Tissue and Thai massage.

Me, Wyatt and Ella