“Why is it that when I don’t know what I want, there is always someone waiting to tell me what it is? I’m just lucky I guess. ~ Anne Wilson Schaef

Do you really know what your needs are?

If you are not living authentically, you may wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and wonder who the person is that is staring back at you.

If we get used to doing what everyone else expects of us, we may loose the ability to determine what we want. We may get confused about what it is exactly that is good and right for us.  Our needs are not being met because we do not know what those needs are.

Unless you know what you want, what your values are, and what is right for you, you cannot be an honest person. You are not only being dishonest with yourself, but you are being dishonest with everyone you are trying to please. You may think you are pleasing them, but the reality is they will never get to know the real you.

People who will try to punish you for being authentic

In The Essential Laws of Fearless Living by Guy Finley he states ” Walk away from anyone who “helps” you to feel that it’s necessary for you to hurt; leave anyone who causes you pain for “your own good”.

Often we may fear being authentic about our wants, needs and values because of the reaction of others. In my view, honesty is the best policy. Real love is unconditional.

“Never accept as natural or necessary any relationship outwardly- or inwardly – with a person or psychological state that punishes you. Say “NO” and just go! A whole new independent life awaits you.” Guy Finely

Here is a great needs inventory from the Center For Nonviolent Communication

This list may help you in your path to authenticity, do you recognize any of these needs that may not be getting met in your life right now? Are you able to communicate these needs in a healthy way with others?

Here are some great products and resources:   Guy Finely Fearless Living

As a mom with a child who may not be considered ‘typical’ according to all of the developmental charts, I can completely relate to the anxiety one initially feels when you sense something may be ‘wrong’. It is easy to get caught up in information overload.  I got so many “shoulds’ from others. There is an ocean of information you can surf through on the internet. After my initial fear reaction, I realized I needed to take a deep breath, it was going to be OK. Once I started to come from a place of compassion and trust instead of fear, the people who were giving me all those ‘shoulds’ gradually just disappeared.

I remember when my daughter Ella first started showing some ‘red flags”, when she was 15 months old she lost the 10 plus words she had. She began having meltdowns, had extreme reactions to certain sounds, had extreme social anxiety,  and had problems transitioning from routine. Ella loved the show Signing Time (we saw it on Public TV). We began watching the show daily learning signs together. At first Ella only knew 2 or 3 signs, but months passed and she was able to pick up 10 plus signs. I noticed she was using signs just to show us she knew them- not in conversation (she would sign Table for example, not referring to a Table but to show us she knew the sign- she knew the sign for water and food but instead of using them she would scream or push when she wanted something)  An ‘expert’ told me not to bother with sign language because she was not using it pragmatically. That I should go with a picture communication exchange system or a communication device (small hand-held computer system). This did not resonate with me, I could not see carrying a book or computer around wherever we went, we are a very active  family and I have a baby son- what if these devices were lost? Plus Ella LOVED the signing, my heart told me there had to be a way. I explored other ways to teach Ella how to use the signs to communicate- I ran across a method called ‘manding’ (teaching how to use signs for commands) after several weeks of practice (and some resistance from Ella at first) the method worked!  I went with my intution and it has paid off! Ella’s confidence continues to grow as she practices a form of communication she loves, she can communicate with us any time and at any place. I am not discounting the use of PECS or computer systems- they are excellent for some children- just not ideal for our situation.

Following your authentic path as a family can be difficult- that is why it is so important to take care of yourself as a mom! If you are feeding your own body, mind, and spirit you will be available to make the right decisions for your family and your unique situation.  By focusing on self care when needed, you will not only be able to be there for your kids because you will have optimum health and state of mind, but you will be an excellent role model for them in the future. When you are centered you can be more confident that the decistions you are making are the right ones for your situation at that time.

The sign language debate was not the only choice we made as a family that people disagreed with and I am sure it won’t be the last… But at least I can feel confident that we are going with what is best for OUR authentic family and learning along the way!

There is an excellent post over at Close to the root blog about ‘parenting out of the box’- a perfect example of following your authentic path, enjoy!