“Why is it that when I don’t know what I want, there is always someone waiting to tell me what it is? I’m just lucky I guess. ~ Anne Wilson Schaef

Do you really know what your needs are?

If you are not living authentically, you may wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and wonder who the person is that is staring back at you.

If we get used to doing what everyone else expects of us, we may loose the ability to determine what we want. We may get confused about what it is exactly that is good and right for us.  Our needs are not being met because we do not know what those needs are.

Unless you know what you want, what your values are, and what is right for you, you cannot be an honest person. You are not only being dishonest with yourself, but you are being dishonest with everyone you are trying to please. You may think you are pleasing them, but the reality is they will never get to know the real you.

People who will try to punish you for being authentic

In The Essential Laws of Fearless Living by Guy Finley he states ” Walk away from anyone who “helps” you to feel that it’s necessary for you to hurt; leave anyone who causes you pain for “your own good”.

Often we may fear being authentic about our wants, needs and values because of the reaction of others. In my view, honesty is the best policy. Real love is unconditional.

“Never accept as natural or necessary any relationship outwardly- or inwardly – with a person or psychological state that punishes you. Say “NO” and just go! A whole new independent life awaits you.” Guy Finely

Here is a great needs inventory from the Center For Nonviolent Communication

This list may help you in your path to authenticity, do you recognize any of these needs that may not be getting met in your life right now? Are you able to communicate these needs in a healthy way with others?

Here are some great products and resources:   Guy Finely Fearless Living

Sometimes I laugh when I stop and take the time to really have a look around my house. When did I vacuum last? Really, my house is not that bad (it’s livable), but I will tell you this, I will ‘let it go’ as my Grandmother would say, before I would quit writing or quit playing on the ground, in the dirt,  face to face with my kids.

I’ll throw the laundry into the closet unfolded, hide the unopened bills in a drawer that is so full it can’t even be opened, use a push broom to push all the toys into a corner in the playroom, have books laying on every surface when really they should be neatly placed on a bookshelf.

Because what really matters,  is that my kids were cherished, that I nurtured my passion and creativity, that I stopped and took the time to have that conversation with a cherished friend.  No one is going to remember or care what the house looked like 20 years from now. In 20 years, my children will be blossoming into adulthood, and I hope they will have learned more than housecleaning.

My Grandmother loved to write (and did I mention she gave birth to, and raised 10 amazing children, 9 of them girls?), one of the most cherished gifts I have ever received are the hand made books she used to craft for me. Before scrap booking, the internet, or photo-shop, she would carefully pick magazine photos and cut and paste them to hard paper~ creating wonderful stories and poems all about me, her hopes for me, and beautiful things she knew I  liked; butterflies, birds and flowers.

I loved reading my Grandmother’s writings, one stands out in particular, here in an excerpt from one of her poems titled Memories;

“But o, how it would have eased the burden she bare along life’s way,

if I’d told mother how much I love her while it was still today.” ~ 1985

The poem sparked a conversation that led me to find out about one of my families biggest ‘scandals’. My mother explained to me that Grandma had indeed not spoken to her mother for years after, and had always regretted it. I may not have know that if it were not for my Grandma’s writings.

I love that someday my kids will be able to look back at  my journals (both online and off), get a glimpse of how I was living at the time, what my passions and learning experiences were, and see how I interacted with the world. And hopefully, like Grandma’s writings they will spark many spirited conversations around the table.

” Tell us the details…  pay tribute to all the everyday and extraordinary things” ~Natalie Goldberg

I have kept many journals over the years. Unfortunately, I threw all the early ones away. I was worried about being judged if anyone ever found them, and also, there was a lot of painful things in there that had not been addressed, and I wanted it all to be forgotten.

I would give anything to be able to read those journals from my turbulent teen years. Could you imagine the insight I could have gleaned from all of that teenage angst? It is one thing to be able to look back and remember the past (we change the stories over time) but to be able to read my feelings, raw, in the moment- I wish I would have kept them. I would love to go back to that girl in the tight Levi’s jeans, give her a big hug, and tell her not to worry, tell her her butt is perfect and stop worrying about it (that in a few years J low would make her ‘bubble butt’ popular), and reassure her that she was amazing and for God’s sake don’t worry what others think. Wouldn’t it be amazing to be able to look back on those journals when Ella is a teen, just in case I need to be reminded?

Just when I want to give up writing- shut down the computer, run into the woods and never log on again, I am remided again of all the blessings of sharing, writing it all down.

“Sometimes when you think you are done, it is just the edge of beginning. Probably that’s why we decide we’re done. It’s getting too scary. We are touching down onto something real. It is beyond the point when you think you are done that often something strong comes out.” ~ Natalie Goldberg

Yep folks, I going to keep it up! Get used to me, I’ll be here a while.

Writing Resources:

Click here for the Way of Story Writing Course