Be authentic, but don’t be self righteous about it.

” Too often we get hung up on the form of our growth, trying to find the “right” way to do it and then being self-righteous with others about our personal approach” From Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken: Transform Your Life with the Power of Authenticity

It’s pretty exciting when we are learning and growing and it really seems to be working for us. Whether it is a new spiritual path, a form of parenting style, or a lifestyle change, when we have that ‘ah ha’ moment it is tempting to tell everyone we care about it so they can experience the joy too.

There is nothing wrong with sharing what you know and your enthusiasm, and there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries if others cross the line.

However, as I mentioned in my self awareness post When it comes to being truly authentic, the intention is bigger than being ego driven (comes from our true authentic self- not based on seeking approval).

How many times have you met someone who ‘found’ a new spiritual path, diet plan, or parenting tactic and all of a sudden they are putting you down for your lack of following it- they must be right no matter the cost! By them being right it affirms that what they are following is okay, and they must have your approval. If you don’t agree with them then there is something wrong with you (even though just last year they were cheating on their husband in the back seat of the family minivan behind the pub- but now they have seen the light, and it is their job to judge you).

You may be asking ‘what about constructive criticism? ‘ well, if it is not asked for it is not welcome. Even when advice is asked for getting to preachy can be a big turn off. People are not going to be shamed into changing, and it is not going to inspire them to embrace your ‘right’ views.

Even if what you are doing is working wonders for you, it may not be ‘right’ for everyone else. A big part of being authentic is being compassionate and accepting of others, even if you don’t agree.

When you place your focus on others you are taking the focus off yourself. When it comes to self growth, what others are doing is not really that important.

What is important and what you should be asking yourself is:

• What do I need to deal with and heal inside myself in order to be the best version of myself I can be?
• How can I create the best environment or circumstance in which my growth will be supported and enhanced?
• What do I need to be fulfilled?

Choosing to grow and REALLY knowing yourself is hard stuff- for some it is a lifelong journey. We are all growing and changing, we can support each other with compassion without being judgmental.

Have you ever had someone judge you when you try to be more authentic? Leave your comments below I would love to hear from you!

Related articles

• Mike Robbins: Seeing Adversity As Happening for Us, Not to Us (huffingtonpost.com)

“Why is it that when I don’t know what I want, there is always someone waiting to tell me what it is? I’m just lucky I guess. ~ Anne Wilson Schaef

Do you really know what your needs are?

If you are not living authentically, you may wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and wonder who the person is that is staring back at you.

If we get used to doing what everyone else expects of us, we may loose the ability to determine what we want. We may get confused about what it is exactly that is good and right for us.  Our needs are not being met because we do not know what those needs are.

Unless you know what you want, what your values are, and what is right for you, you cannot be an honest person. You are not only being dishonest with yourself, but you are being dishonest with everyone you are trying to please. You may think you are pleasing them, but the reality is they will never get to know the real you.

People who will try to punish you for being authentic

In The Essential Laws of Fearless Living by Guy Finley he states ” Walk away from anyone who “helps” you to feel that it’s necessary for you to hurt; leave anyone who causes you pain for “your own good”.

Often we may fear being authentic about our wants, needs and values because of the reaction of others. In my view, honesty is the best policy. Real love is unconditional.

“Never accept as natural or necessary any relationship outwardly- or inwardly – with a person or psychological state that punishes you. Say “NO” and just go! A whole new independent life awaits you.” Guy Finely

Here is a great needs inventory from the Center For Nonviolent Communication

This list may help you in your path to authenticity, do you recognize any of these needs that may not be getting met in your life right now? Are you able to communicate these needs in a healthy way with others?

Here are some great products and resources:   Guy Finely Fearless Living