Tips for reflection and simplifying your life – create some healthy traditions!

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.  ~Lao Tzu

Get up fifteen minutes earlier and go outside each morning. There is nothing more peaceful than the quiet of early morning. Go outside with your cup of coffee, tea, or herbal infusion and sit in quiet reflection. Think about your day and connect with nature as you listen to the wind, birds, insects, and the sounds of morning. Concentrate on your breathing and do some breathing exercises to help you feel energized and ready to tackle the day. Reserve that special time for yourself each morning and start the day off right.

 Our Family Tradition of Daily Walks…

* If going outside alone every morning seems impossible because you have little ones, take out the stroller. I have a double stroller that I have a rain cover for. We go out rain, shine, wind or snow. We have been able to connect with all of our neighbors this way, they can hardly believe we walk EVERY day so it inspires conversation- and other days barter and trade. My kids have been known to be seen walking back home (stroller full of produce) with a cucumber under each arm after we shared some of our heirloom seeds with our neighbors.  You would be surprised how much wildlife we have here to spite that we live in a suburban neighborhood. We also enjoy watching the domestic animals and their habits- one day we were even stopped by a chicken on the sidewalk! The kids and I also discuss the weather and the seasons year round and when they are in the mood to be silent (which happens at least once during our hour walk)- mama can use this walking time for reconnecting! Other benefits of this include fresh air and exercise- if mama gets cabin fever symptoms (cranky and short) we get outside immediately – even if the weather is bad it is always an adventure … and we feel revived when we return! The great thing about this tradition is the kids now hold mama accountable- what a great way to stick to an exercise routine!

“Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.” ~ Harriet Van Horne

Experience the joys of slow cooking. In this fast paced world it seems everyone touts the benefits of fast food but a new revolution has begin called the slow food movement. It is of course a more healthy way to eat but the real benefit is that you can get back to basics and cook the foods your mother and grandmother may have made and make meal times special in your house again. Create a meal plan each week and though you may spend more time cooking and a bit more money on quality ingredients, you and your family will relish the experience and time together.

“The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you’ve got to have a what-the-hell attitude.” Julia Child
Have a dinner party. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, just make one or two special dishes and have guests mix their own drinks. Sit outside and talk with adults while the kids play. Perhaps you can trade dinner party nights with other families so that at east once a month you have something special and memorable to do.

Artists usually don’t make all that much money, and they often keep their artistic hobby despite the money rather than due to it. -Linus Torvalds

Get a hobby! Start a sewing project or two, take up knitting or crochet, take your camera on a nature walk several times a week, start a scrapbook. Instead of spending time in front of the TV, which will never be very memorable, use some of your free time to create something meaningful. You can even get a head start on a homemade Christmas gift list. Your parents would love to have a scrapbook of the grandkids and your best friend might like a hand knit scarf.

A good book on your shelf is a friend that turns its back on you and remains a friend.  ~Author Unknown

Start a book club. Gather together with some female friends and choose a book to read over a few weeks time. Get together once a week to discuss the pre-assigned chapters and bring finger foods. This gives you an excuse to get together regularly and you get some reading time too. The laughs and great conversations will be treasured memories for years to come.

“Cleaning house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing” Phylis Diller

Start a babysitting co-op for date nights. Most married couples who have small children will tell you they don’t get out alone together much. Do something about that! Get together with 2-3 other couples and make a plan. Perhaps on every third weekend, two of the couples will go out while the remaining couple watches all the kids. Trade off so that each couple gets a regular date night.

With a little planning you can slow the pace of life and find time for the things that mean the most to you.

Related articles

• Slow-Cooker Recipes: Healthy Eating Made Easy (everydayhealth.com)
• Slowing Down Christmas (wrightmatthew.wordpress.com)

The holidays can get pretty hectic if we let them. We can get distracted by all of the big and shiny things.

With the modern world and all it’s advances we sometimes loose touch with what is really important.

A few nights back I was watching an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, he was visiting Provence France. Provence is famous for their simple living. In the episode Anthony was talking to one of the locals- he said, I’m paraphrasing, ‘isn’t it funny how people finally make it in life, become rich, spend their entire life working to make money so they can come here and get back to the basics again?’

I believe a simple life is what most people really want, but we get caught up in all the noise and glitter of modern life. We let the modern world around us influence what we are doing on a daily basis (most of the time without even realizing it- that is what good marketing is all about), when really the best medicine may be just to simply slow down and simplify.

You don’t need to move to Provence France to simplify your life, you can begin to make this a priority for yourself wherever you live. Who knows, your actions just may catch on to others around you!

Feel lost and confused? Lift the veil of confusion- focus on simplifying your life.

The more simple we make our lives,  the more clearly we are able to see ourselves for who we are and the world around us for what it really is.

Ask yourself what is more important the THINGS you have or your EXPERIENCES….

Read more related articles below for tips on how to simplify your life:

Related articles

• How to Simplify Your Life in 10 Steps (workawesome.com)
• Simple Living… with a Sense of Humor: Warren Johnson’s Muddling Toward Frugality (sustainablog.org)
• When In Doubt Simplify (zenhabits.net)
• Watch Anthony Bourdain Provence Part 1

“Why is it that when I don’t know what I want, there is always someone waiting to tell me what it is? I’m just lucky I guess. ~ Anne Wilson Schaef

Do you really know what your needs are?

If you are not living authentically, you may wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and wonder who the person is that is staring back at you.

If we get used to doing what everyone else expects of us, we may loose the ability to determine what we want. We may get confused about what it is exactly that is good and right for us.  Our needs are not being met because we do not know what those needs are.

Unless you know what you want, what your values are, and what is right for you, you cannot be an honest person. You are not only being dishonest with yourself, but you are being dishonest with everyone you are trying to please. You may think you are pleasing them, but the reality is they will never get to know the real you.

People who will try to punish you for being authentic

In The Essential Laws of Fearless Living by Guy Finley he states ” Walk away from anyone who “helps” you to feel that it’s necessary for you to hurt; leave anyone who causes you pain for “your own good”.

Often we may fear being authentic about our wants, needs and values because of the reaction of others. In my view, honesty is the best policy. Real love is unconditional.

“Never accept as natural or necessary any relationship outwardly- or inwardly – with a person or psychological state that punishes you. Say “NO” and just go! A whole new independent life awaits you.” Guy Finely

Here is a great needs inventory from the Center For Nonviolent Communication

This list may help you in your path to authenticity, do you recognize any of these needs that may not be getting met in your life right now? Are you able to communicate these needs in a healthy way with others?

Here are some great products and resources:   Guy Finely Fearless Living

Check out my article in the July issue of American College Of Health Science newsletter!

Find it on page 4 How to help children discover the wonders of nature: Growing plants that attract wildlife

The good girl

You may be thinking, ‘isn’t it good to be  ‘well behaved”?  If you are being genuine, it is your choice,  and you are not coming from a space of fear, then of course it is. On the flip side, being overly ‘well behaved’ can actually be dangerous, a girl may feel afraid to speak up when she is having a health issue, another girl may be afraid to tell a boy ‘no’  who is making sexual advances (and it is making her uncomfortable) , a boy may feel pressure from his peers to commit an act of violence, these are just a few extreme examples- but there are many more less obvious ones.

If you are being ‘good’ because you are afraid, resentment for others will begin to stew as you chip away your own needs and wants- this can be taxing on self esteem. It can be insidious, you may not even realize you are doing it.

Do you go ahead and eat something (cold, tastes bad, or the wrong order)  because you don’t want to ‘bother’ the wait staff?

Do you always say ‘yes’ right away because you don’t want to seem cold or unavailable to others? Resulting in you over- scheduling yourself/ feeling exhausted ?

Do you let yourself be pressured into things/ situations that are not right for you?

Do you not tell the truth because you are afraid you may hurt other people’s feelings?

Do you go against your gut feelings because you want to please others? And then later regret it?

Do you find it hard to ask for directions/ to speak up when you need help?

Standing up for yourself may have consequences- and others may not always like it

~but it’s necessary and worth it in the long run~

If you read my previous post I discuss how I made a decision that if I was ever put in that position – I would ‘do what I need to do’.  I had the opportunity in Mr. Kyles earth science class 5 years later to put this promise I made to myself to the test. I always had a problem speaking up to authority and a terrible fear of ‘getting in trouble’ or disappointing an authority figure- especially teachers. So asking to go to the bathroom (and going anyway after being told no) may not seem like a big deal, but it is the courage to do the little everyday things that are necessary to stand up for ourselves that give us the courage to really do it when the big major things arise.

The day it happened

Earth Science class was right after lunch, even though I would stop to go to the bathroom before class, it seemed like I always had to go again half way through. You were not allowed to drink or eat during classes, so of course during lunch I would make up for it with a 24 once cup full of Coca Cola.

Mr Kyle had this ridiculous rule that you could only go to the bathroom 3 times per year. He must have really loved this rule because he spent half of the first day of class explaining how he kept track of your bathroom breaks, and how he would not let anyone go past 3 under any circumstances.

I raised my hand and asked the dreaded question “can I go to the bathroom?” Mr kyles said “Well Angie, I think you used up your privileges, but let me take a look”. He opens his forest green ‘everyone’s bathroom habits’ notebook “Yep, just as I thought, you have used them all”. “But I really need to go” I replied. “Sorry, you should have thought of that at lunch, now get to work”.

My mind automatically thought back to Terry (who did not feel she could stand up for herself, so she ended up having an ‘accident’ in class), and all of sudden I could think of nothing else, I was afraid I was going to loose it. “I am sorry Mr Kyle but I have to go NOW” I said.  “YOU WILL NOT” I hear Mr Kyle state in the background as I am running down the hallway, out the double doors, halfway through the commons I had to stop and cross my legs- I managed to gather myself and made it to the bathroom. I hadn’t even came out of the stall when heard the click, click, click of Principle Myer’s maroon pumps on the tile floor. The clicking stopped and she stood there, her two feet right in front of my stall. When I came out Mrs Myer’s was giving me the evil eye”Come with me” ….

This was a major problem. You don’t just walk out of the classroom. I tried to explain that I had to go and it couldn’t wait. This was not good enough. I was taken out of Mr. Kyles classroom, had to re-take earth science the next year, my parents were called and I was sent home for the day.   My step dad delighted in grounding me for 2 weeks over the whole affair, and I got the lecture of how I should have thought about having to pee during the lunch break.

It was excruciating but worth it. I was told later by my science partner Matt that everyone in the classroom went into an uproar after I left- cheering and wailing. Turns out I was a catalyst to a near riot. The following weeks were full of hallway high-fives and ‘right on!’ from friends and strangers alike.

“Real authenticity is not some set of rules or a self-righteous definition about how people “should” be in life…it is the willingness and courage to be real, true, transparent, and vulnerable in the moment-by-moment, day-by-day experience of being in relationship with others and living this magical, mysterious, wonderful, crazy, exciting thing we call life.~ Mike Robbins”

If you want to make a positive difference in other people’s lives, you have to make a positive difference in your own life first.

If you have been playing the ‘good girl’ role, you may find it hard to start saying no, or disappointing others. As Cheryl Richardson states in her book Extreme Self Care.

“Most of us don’t like to hurt or disappoint our fellow men and women. It’s an uncomfortable thing to do. Some common reasons for this are:

We don’t want to feel guilty.
We don’t want to disappoint others because we know how bad it feels.
We don’t have the language to let someone down with grace and love.
Our fear of conflict and our desire to keep the peace keep us from telling the truth.
We want people to like us and are uncomfortable when they don’t. ”

Read Cheryl’s article to find out how to say ‘no’ with grace and love..

The other day I was sitting in the coffee shop getting ready to do some computer work. I had just started typing when a well dressed man came up to the counter and began talking to the barista. I couldn’t help but overhear “ya, my girlfriend loves to watch those stupid shows like Jerry Springer, when I asked her why she said that it was because she loves to watch these f^%&ed up people because it makes her feel good about herself”.

At first I was annoyed, then I had an epiphany. There are actually people who like to see others not succeed – the lower others are, the better they feel. OK it is not like this was new news to me, I always knew there were people like this out there. The epiphany was I had heard this somewhere before, it was from a friend that I had not talked to since my daughter was born. Although I knew this friend had insecurities, I never thought she would take these out on me. I found out the hard way that no matter how much you want to help someone, they cannot give away what they don’t have.

You see, once I became pregnant with daughter, I decided there was no room for toxic relationships in my life. I decided I was no longer going to waste my time with it. It was not like I made some big announcement to the world, I just began to change. Sure I had a few setbacks, and boy, the people in my life at the time who were not used to this change in me tried to make a ruckus. This particular friend that I mentioned earlier caused nothing but drama and stress in my life when the most exciting, miraculous, amazing thing was happening. I was having a  successful pregnancy following recurring miscarriages. I had never been more happy in my life. I was hurt, frustrated and confused as to why she would try to cause so many problems in my life knowing full well all I had been through. She went so far as to get several other people involved and I ended up uninviting the people involved to my baby shower. I was always there for her, I trusted her, why was she doing this?

I had the  realization that when you begin to change and start respecting yourself, the people who were able to manipulate you in the past begin to notice the shift immediately and take evasive action. They test your boundaries, try to put you down, and manipulate so they can try to get a foot hold again. I will admit that this was a very stressful time, these were people that were fully interwoven into my life at the time- for whatever reason I felt combination of obligation, blame, and even victimized for a while.  Prior to my pregnancy I did not have the knowledge at the time to realize that by going along with the drama I was betraying my own values, it took the love for my daughter to make me come to the this realization. I did not feel deserving enough until the moment I became pregnant, I had came so far to get to this place after just experiencing 2 miscarriages. My daughter’s life was in my hands- yes it took that for me to realize.

” Never be upset when you find yourself in the valleys of life for in there lies all the nutrients for growth.” Barbara Johnson

The separation from these toxic relationships and the rearranging and restructuring of a few others was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I always prided myself in being honest and not betraying others but after I made this new  commitment to myself and my daughter, I realized that I had been betraying myself for a long time. I would never dream of doing this to someone else, yet it was OK for me to treat myself this way. Was I holding true to my values? Was I even sure what my values were?

After this began the process of being true to myself, and realizing I am the best judge of what is right for me. I deserve to be treated with respect. I made a commitment that I would establish a code of honor for myself and stick to it. I would continue to learn and grow.

Here are just a few things you can get do to get started if you feel you like your boundaries have been crossed, you’re not trusting yourself,  you are not respecting yourself, or you have toxic relationships in your life.

1. Make a commitment to be true to yourself and your values. This may include writing out a mission statement for yourself, place it somewhere where you can see it daily. Write affirmations to change those beliefs that have been placed on you that no longer serve you. You may even celebrate your new commitment with a ceremony or celebration.

2. Know yourself make time to stop, quiet yourself, and go withing daily. Accept yourself, appreciate your gifts, be compassionate not critical of your shortcomings, pay close attention to what you say and do, and get feedback from someone you can trust.

3. Know your values YOU define those!

4. Tell the truth- even if its uncomfortable or even painful.

5. Be willing to change and grow - deal with what you need to, let go and move forward.

6. Forgive yourself and others – be compassionate, don’t blame yourself or others.

7. Be bold, courageous and express your unique self!- celebrate your wild creativity!

More resources…

Medicine Woman Core Course

Click here for A Year of Guided Meditations

Today I ran across this quote “It is very difficult for your child’s horizons to be greater than your own.”

I came to the realization that when we limit ourselves we tend to try to place those same limits on our children.

I later ran across this article Would you like to stop worrying about what others think?

In it the author talks about limiting beliefs. Of course we do not want to limit our children! But if we limit ourselves we cannot see the unlimited potential in others. How broad is your horizon? Are you living your passion and purpose or are past beliefs holding you back?

Sometimes we go into autopilot mode and shift back to limiting ourselves by beliefs others have placed on us. I can really relate to this. When I was in second grade a teacher that I really admired told me I was ‘slow’ (turns out I have dyslexia). I excelled in reading but always had problems with spelling and math (I would reverse letters and numbers) I carried that with me for a long time and avoided all forms of writing. It wasn’t until I started following my passion that I broke through the barriers I had placed on myself and began writing (it was necessary to graduate from the program I was enrolled in!) I literally had to make myself do it! I have to admit I almost did not enroll in college because I was afraid I would be ‘called out’ or ‘discovered’ that I was dyslexic.

Now writing is a central part of my life. I use it to communicate with students, express myself through this blog, and even as a healing tool. I no longer even think about my dyslexia. In fact the dyslexia has given me a wonderful gift, I believe it has everything to do with why I am creative in other ways- other senses are amplified and I am an extreme right brain thinker. This enables me to be very creative!

The lesson I learned is don’t limit yourself! Even if you think that you may not do extremely well at something, if you feel pulled to do it, go for it! You will find a way! Others will come into help, you may find with practice you will get better, and thank God for spell check!!!!

In the process you may find you will go in a different direction, that is OK too! It is all part of the learning process. But the main thing is don’t completely avoid something out of fear and don’t accept labels that others put on you. Sometimes it may take some convincing (you have that ‘voice’, ‘gremlin’  or ‘ monkey mind’ whatever you may call it) sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it, as you see small goals getting accomplished your confidence will increase. Imagine yourself as what you want to become, I like writing and reading affirmations that I create for myself to solidify my new goal and direction (we use index cards for study tools- why not for goals too!) These are just a few things you can do to overcome those limiting beliefs that you have been placing on yourself. Remember it is only a thought and it can be changed.

Your kids will benefit as well as you pass these lessons on to them!

More resources…

Outlaw’s Counsel

Manifest Mastermind

Click here for Healing Emotional Wounds

Click here for Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Welcome Authentic Mama Deborah! I met Deborah through Authentic Family Living. It is so refreshing to hear personal stories of mamas like Deborah nurturing their creativity alongside their children- and loving life! You can read more about Deborah and her beautiful family at her personal blog The Thought Train.

Deborah’s Bio: I’m 31, married for 10 years with four children – Amber, 6…Caleb, 4…Rebecca & Logan (twins) 21 months. We live in a little town called Sugar Grove in Northwestern Pennsylvania. I homebirthed all my children (twins were a surprise at the birth), co-sleep until they’re ready to move on, cloth diaper, exclusively breastfeed, and am unschooling. My hobbies include handbuilding/sculpting pottery, needlefelting, making corn husk dolls, reading, talking, walking, and just plain having fun with friends and family.

1. What did you learn about yourself (or what has changed you) since you became a mother? Oh, so many things! I have learned that the world has a whole lot more grey than I once thought. I used to think there was one right way to do things, and sought after that one right way for a long time. But my firstborn didn’t fit the mold of what “right” parenting meant. She wanted to be held, constantly, and nursed constantly. I was sleeping with her and “spoiling” her according to some. But I felt this was “right” for us – that if you could go back to Adam and Eve, surely they also slept with their precious child and held him all the time – why wouldn’t they??? A new human being, so dependent and marvelous…why the need to ignore them and put them in a separate space? Why was this considered better parenting?

This, I think, is what brings families closer together, regardless of how you school or sleep or birth, etc. I conscientiously make decisions to be closer to my children, and respect their desires and needs, and also show them how to respect others needs and desires. People being honest about who they are and not having to apologize for it…that is authenticity to me.

photo credit: Jocko B.

Maya is a mom with two small children and works 40 hours a week at a job she does not love. She gives time and energy to her children and to her job but feels in a constant state of stress. Her life is controlled by a to-do list and she has no time for herself. Some days she feels her authentic self disappearing as she tries to keep up with the needs of her family. Deep down she knows there is more to life than the way she lives now but she doesn’t know how to rejuvenate her life.

Have you ever felt like the woman in this story?

As a mom, do you ever feel as if your authentic sense of self is being smothered by people and things that demand your time, attention, and energy?

As moms, we are givers. We give time to our children. We give energy to organizing the family schedule and household chores. We give attention to those who are sick or who are in need. We give advice such as wash your hands and eat your veges. We give hope to those who need it most. And as if that was not enough giving, we also happen to give birth to life. As authentic mamas, we are givers.

I’m here to tell you that it’s time to give to the most important person in your life – YOU! If you are not putting yourself first, all of the giving you do will eventual leave you empty and exhausted.

Today I give you permission to put yourself first.

1. Take Time for Silent Relaxation. Even 5 minutes a day of meditation is enough time to feel the benefits within your body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Putting yourself first means connecting with your sense of self awareness.

2. Take Action Towards Your Dreams. When I started CreateaBalance.com back in February 2008, I realized I was living my dream simply by taking actions towards my dreams. Once you have determined what your dreams and goals are, incorporate baby action steps towards achieving these dreams. SARK recommends using micromovements to reach your goals, which means every action step is only 5 minutes or less. She figures everyone can manage almost anything for 5 minutes.

3. Connect with Like-Minded Women. Busy routine-filled lives can give us a sense of being isolated from others. To live fully and authentically, it is essential to find time to connect with people you enjoy. If you can’t remember the last time you spent time with friends (without your children) then it is time to put yourself first and schedule a fun day or night out with a friend! Connecting with online friends is a great way to get a quick friendship fix. Embrace the power of relationships and have fun connecting with others.

4. Get Moving. I don’t care if you are training for a marathon, using the farthest parking space from the mall, or taking a sun-lit walk around the block. You are putting yourself first every time you choose to move your body towards the goal of being physically fit. Creatively incorporate some sort of movement into what you already love to do.

5. Feed Your Body Love. I recognize there are many opportunities to make poor choices when it comes to diet and nutrition. Goodness knows almost every restaurant in my town loads piles of french fries onto my sons’ plates. I hate having to resist those fries all through my meal. I do resist them, however, because I am putting myself first and making an active choice to eat healthy. I am not 100% successful, but if I choose to eat unhealthy food it is usually a result of putting myself last.

6. Do What You Love. List twenty things you love doing. Then think about the last time you put yourself first and found time to do these things. Can you find a few things on your list that you can do this week?

7. Honor Your Time. In the Artist’s way, Julia Cameron suggests reflecting on the major activities of your week. Once you create a list of your major activities, think about how much time you gave to each one? Which were what you wanted to do and which were “shoulds”? How much of your time is spent helping others and ignoring your own desires?

If you could take one micromovement towards putting yourself first today, what would you do?

Bio:

Stacey Hoffer Weckstein is a life coach, change management consultant, presenter, trainer, and a global advocate for finding “me” time and putting yourself first. She brings over 14 years of experience in the field of adult learning and human development and helps thousands of people think about and practice the art of life balance.

Stacey’s coaching style and her blog, CreateaBalance.com encourage you to embrace your authentic sense of self, to live with intention, to practice putting yourself first, to hold yourself accountable, and to take action towards living your best life.

When Stacey became a working mom back in 2003, she knew she had to balance the needs of her inner authentic self with the needs of all of the other things that demanded her time, attention, and energy. This process of practicing the art of life balance was one of the most powerful and liberating experiences of her life.

She is now committed to helping other people balance their essential “me” time with everything else that demands their time, attention, and energy.

She has worked with entrepreneurs, large corporations, non-profit organizations, health care systems, academic institutions, and government agencies. She holds a Masters degree in Human Resource Development from Louisiana State University and a Bachelor’s of Science degree, with honors, from Michigan State University.

I am honored that Stacey provided this awesome post for authentic mama. Be sure and visit her awesome website Create a Balance today!