Medicinal Teas!

~Connecting, rejuvenating and nourishing with medicinal plants~

Join me as we work hand-on together enjoying herbal teas with bulk herbs!

If you enjoy cooking and creating you will love making bulk herbal teas! The recipes will range from the simple to the complex. Throughout the course you can email me so we can discuss your insights and progress.

Connect with the plants today! Sign up on to the right(the Medicinal teas! box ).

Enjoy!

Please be sure to sign up for my choose to grow newsletter as well, I offer free gifts and discounts to my courses only available to my subscribers -as well as an occasional newsletter:)

***herbs not included, but we will discuss how you may be able to find them in your own backyard (or how to get them (hint: a lot cheaper than buying a box of tea) ! You DO get free email consulting with me throughout the course!

Self Esteem- Why it is crucial …and  a few resources for you!

Without High Self Esteem You Cannot Be Authentic

Why work on your self esteem? There are a lot of ‘self help’ programs out there that say they will take you to the next level, give you the one secret to success, change your life for the better- and they may!

However, if you do not have high self esteem for a foundation, your choices will not be coming from a place of authenticity.

People with high self esteem don’t conform to what other people impose on to them- but instead make their decisions based on what is true to them…. they follow their own heart!

Here are some major areas in your life that self esteem effects:

1. Your chosen field of study/ work

2. Beliefs

3. Goals

4. Habits

5. Lifestyle

6. Relationships

7. Choices

In future articles we will be going into detail with this inner work (your self esteem), we will explore where the above areas are actually coming from (are they authentic to you or are your beliefs/ choices / habits/ values coming from other sources).

Change is never easy, and most people rarely take personal responsibly for their life. If you have high self esteem (self love, self worth) you are rich (whether you have money or not) – when you focus on your self esteem and your own authenticity, your gifts and your purpose will become clear to you and you will be able to make the right choices for yourself.

When you have high self esteem it will be easier for you to deal with the backlash you will receive when you attempt to change for the better. You would think that others would want the best for you, but when you change this is scary to them because the person they know is not your full authentic self (when you have low self esteem you make choices based on seeking approval rather than what is best for you- they judge you based on these choices)- so they believe in the old you- not the REAL you.

The good news is that when you are yourself your true friends will stay true and all others will not be in the picture anymore (their dysfunctional ways no longer work for you, and this does not work for them either- they will be on a different path).

When your self esteem is high you stop sabotaging yourself, even when failure occurs you realize it is part of the learning journey.

Notice how ‘lifestyle’ is one of the areas? Yes self esteem even affects your lifestyle- living a WHOLEistic life (being in balance) depends on your sense of self worth- since this is what your choices are based on!

So be the light not the judge! Set the example by making your self worth and self esteem a priority daily. This is an ongoing exercise.

***You need support. Surround yourself with supportive people with the same goals in mind. I found a really cool community called BraveHeart Women. I like this community because it has a lot of choices (you can search the community and find resources like passion and purpose, self esteem and empowerment, personal prosperity, global contribution as well as private communities). There are also blogs and discussions- a great resource for women!

BraveHeart Women Global Community Mission Statement:

To connect the Women of the world together in order to receive & give Inspiration in the areas of Self-Esteem, Empowerment, Purpose, Passion and Personal Prosperity while enhancing the world by being Brave Women who live from the Heart.

***Notice how ‘Brave’ is in the title? It does take courage to live from your heart:) If you are on a journey to be your true authentic self I applaud you!

More Resources:

If you love herbalism and wilderness awareness, the Anima Center has excellent holistic courses that include inner work as well- one of my personal mentors is Kiva Rose Hardin- if she has space available I encourage you to check out her courses if you feel she is a good fit.

There are many other online communities out there (as well as local support in your area). Find what fits for you and make your inner work a priority!

What are your thoughts on self esteem? Have you ever had a challenging experience with someone close to you who has low self esteem? Have you made wrong choices for you based on your low self esteem at the time? I would love to hear about it in the comments below!

Related articles

• 10 ways to value yourself and your family -boost self esteem (authenticmama.com)
• Why do Some Children Have Low Self-Esteem and Depression? (brighthub.com)

No matter what (or if) you celebrate during the holiday season, may your heart be filled with light, love and happiness!

Your Home

If you are stressing about your home being clean or looking just right for the holiday guests,  I love what my Grandmother used to always say to me and my mom when she would stop by (after our apologies for the house being a mess).

“I came here to see you, not your house.”

Live in the moment and savor those times with family and friends!

If you spend your time worrying and cleaning like a maniac before guests arrive, you will be so tired you won’t be able to relax and enjoy yourself.

Your true friends are there to see YOU, so take this time to relax and enjoy yourself mama!

You are who you are, your home is what it is, what really matters is the interactions you have with those who are special to you in your life- besides, chances are people have already made up their minds about you anyway (no amount of trying to impress is going to change that).

Enjoy!

Related articles

• Stressed Out by the Holidays? Find Some Relief With These Resources (psychology.about.com)

Hello everyone! It’s the weekend so I won’t make this too long. I wanted to write a quick post about a new resource I found on the web. Although I have not read Amy Kovarick’s book Baby on Board: Becoming a Mother without Losing Yourself-A Guide for Moms-to-Be, I ran across her radio show Empowered Motherhood.

When I found the website the first show that popped out at me was  Being A Selfish Mother- of course I wanted to listen! This may sound odd but being ‘selfish’ is something I need to work in! Putting my needs on the priority list is something I need to consciously work on or it would not get done. It is easy to get in the habit of putting everything and everyone first, then I find I get burned out and need my milky oats!

In the show Amy talks with Felisha owner of the company Trans formative Journey – they discuss balancing her at home business while her girls are home with her, juggling nap times, marketing, her clients,  and responding to social media requests (emails, posts, etc) with mothering and work. She discusses with her how she can better balance her life and make it a win/ win for her and her daughters. As a mom if you work at home online I am sure you can relate!

She also talks to a stay at home dad Kevin who says it is easier for dads to be selfish- very enlightening! He talks about how he nourishes and refreshes himself, and how this recharges him. He gives ‘Daily Daddy’ top 10 tips to revive yourself and why breaks are important daily.

I know that being selfish is a ‘bad’ word to most people and being selfless is noble. I think the key is finding a healthy balance. In the show the question is asked “where do you fall on the spectrum” of selfish and selfless (being completely one or the other is not healthy).  We definitely need to nourish our own needs or we cannot be there for our children.

This was a fun radio show:)

What are your thoughts on being a ‘selfish’ mother?

Related articles

• Mark McGrath: My Kids Have Made Me Selfless (celebritybabies.people.com)

I didn’t want to jump on the bandwagon and make it seem like I am doing an new years resolution- I just had to share this! I am being true to my body… it was time for a change- nothing really to do with New Years, more to do with the cabin fever blues.

I have discovered Yoga…. again.

I was probably around 19 when I first heard about yoga. 

I was working at an athletic club at the time. I remember the class was later in the evening (by that time I was already looking forward to going to the next party). Yoga wasn’t really my ‘style’. Frankly, at the time it seemed a little woo woo and wimpy for my taste- I could go on a mountain and contemplate the world some other time, I used to joke to myself (of course I view things a little differently now).  I already got plenty of stretching in my Tae Kwon Do class, I also reasoned (my least favorite part of the class at the time). I thought Yoga was all about gentle streching and relaxing – something I didn’t have the patience or time for.

I have always been into more ‘agressive’ type sports. I was pretty into weight lifting (I won 1st place in the Jr National Championships in Chest press power lifting if you could picture that-  has it been almost 20 years?….) I loved high risk/ high energy sports- playing around with downhill skiing, mountain bike riding, riding 4 wheelers, and high impact step aerobics as well. I used to have quite a bit of stress in my life- so all these aggressive sports were a literal counter balance, at the time it worked out nice and probably saved me in many ways.

Don’t get me wrong. Working out the ‘hard core’ way had it’s benefits (and it’s downfalls, I can still feel the huge bone spur on the front of my knee from asgood slaughters disease- an ailment that is usually reserved for boys who play soccer or football- but I was lucky enough to get it when I was 12 in both knees ). The main benefit for me was the self esteem boost I got from meeting and exceeding my goals and the stress reducing endorphin rush. Even though I was more prone to injury because of the high risk sports I choose, overall my body was strong and I was confident because I found something I really excelled at.

  Back to the benefits… I tend to be high energy and happy on my good days, but on the flip-side can be aggressive and snappy if I don’t burn off that energy. I tend to start nervously doing things like cleaning around the house or searching for new projects to take on- sometimes it is hard for me to just be.  Or, if I get exhausted from not getting enough exercise (sounds weird I know, but I am the type who really needs to move my body) I can start getting the blues big time.

In general, I like to jump right into things- really going for it. Again this tendency has it’s advantages and disadvantages. I have worked for many years to try and balance this, and I do have a gentle and sensitive side, but I just tend toward the latter if I am not too careful. Spring and summer are great because I get to be out in nature- this is when I feel the most ‘myself’. Working with the plants, hiking, this was my center, but in the off season, whew hewww look out!

All that being said I have really calmed in my old age, but some of those old tendencies are still there- I tend to get edgy if I don’t get enough movement in my body. This has been fine so far, I have a double stroller and I am able to take my kids most places with that, there are beautiful places to walk here with challenging hills for a nice workout. Both of my kids are super active, so lifting them off counters, breaking them up from their baby brawls has really been a workout in itself.

 Fast-forward to these last few months. I live in the Pacific Northwest. It rains here (yes the rumors are true). Not to convenient to take the kids for a stroll. Don’t get me wrong, I love and appreciate the rain (I know it is why it is so beautiful and green here) but these past few months it just seems to go on and on and on….. So I have been getting a serious case of cabin fever here. I don’t keep weights or my exercise ball around because it can be downright dangerous (OK I guess you need to know  my kids- trust me). So my body has not been getting the movement it needs.

My husband has insisted on turning back on the cable TV for his sports obsession, that has made matters worse - or has it? I ran across Yoga on TV!

WOW what have I been missing all my life! I feel wonderful! I am not concerned with the amount of calories burned, or if it is a ‘real’ workout. I am going on how it makes me feel. All my muscles feel awakened- it is literally like getting a drink of much needed water after walking in the desert for the past few months- (or should I say getting dried off and  cozy by the fire,  in an snuggie, after being submerged in the Pacific Northwest rain). 

I have been practicing daily for about a week now. It is really amazing. I am a total novice of course, but that is not even an issue with me! I was lucky enough to try my first session when the kids were napping so I got to feel that real connection. I am not able to experience that every day because usually my daughter gets a kick of trying to hang off my back leg (great for resistance, not so great for concentrating) when I am attempting Warrior 3- or my son is laying under  my head when I bend over to perform ‘downward- facing dog’ - I get to see the backwards, upside down smile on my son’s face as he grabs the back of my head so I can’t come out of the pose.

But really, it is no big deal, I am  not on a mission to perfect Yoga. I am going with what my body tells me and how I feel. It does not have to be done perfectly, and I accept even the few poses I am able to get in (without interruptions from the adorable rapscallions) and am very grateful for it!  Other than hiking and wildcrafting, this is the only ‘workout’ or exercise I have done where I don’t try to compete with myself, or have some goal I want to attain, it is really all about being in the moment and the process.

I am so glad I decided to give Yoga a try! It has become part of my morning routine and I am lovin’ it! Some other interesting ‘side effects’ I feel much more in touch with and aware of my body. I have even been eating more healthy and feeling more energetic overall- because I am just so in tune with my body, I am also in tune with what it needs food-wise. My posture has improved tremendously in just one week, and my hips feel like they are getting more aligned (they never felt quite right after my son was born). My stress (a side effect from not taking care of/ making time for myself like I should) seems to be gone.

I have also been inspired to pencil more time for myself~literally~ doing creative things that I love. I have been writing some fiction short stories (something I have wanted to do forever) and have been making even more time for reading.

In general I just feel more balanced and ‘with it’. Yoga along with my herbs (like my old stand by milky oats) and I am good to go- I feel relaxed yet energized for the entire day, with more energy to spare in the evening after the kids go to bed. And dare I say it, but I don’t even need my morning coffee—God I never thought I would give up that- you have no idea how much I enjoy being the rebel herbalist who refuses to give up her coffee addiction!

 Yay! I never thought making one small change like this could make such an impact!

As you probably know I have been working pretty hard on the course for for the Wildcraft game. But also, along with that, I have been creating Ella’s preschool curricula. We have attended a playgroup (that gave me some great ideas for my home program!) But for an all natural play group we had to drive an hour all the way to Portland (plus it was a little spendy, and in this economy we just couldn’t spend the money). So I became very inspired by Kristy Earthschooling.com  - she has tons of great video tutorials, creating a program, natural toys and activities etc. It is wonderful!

So I have decided to start a nature based program  myself! Since there is nothing like this anywhere near where I live, I am hoping I will get a few moms that may be interested.

So, I made these squirrels really fast for me and the kids ‘circle time’ today.  

Every morning during circle time me and the kids sing songs and tell stories. I thought it would be really cute for my ’5 squirrels’ story if I could make some finger puppets.

I had no idea these would be such a hit. The kids LOVED the squirrels. So since then I have made a few birds as well.

 Now I am on an craft kick LOL! Not only is it economical but really fun! The kids love the handmade toys.

I am really excited to start needle felting small bendy dolls for the kids. My kit arrived today (needles, felt, wool) this starter kit is only $12.71 and it has everything you need to get started, including a nice amount of wool, pad,  and 3 needles!

 Have you heard of needle felting? If you have not here is an example of some really cute ideas. I don’t have any affiliation with Forest Whimsy or The Rowen Tree, I just though I would show you a really cute needle felting project.

http://forestwhimsy.net/dolls.htm

And this one from the Rowen tree http://beneaththerowantree.com/ROOTEDnov08.html

What I love about the felting is you have to stab the felt several times with the needle- I find this stabbing really relaxing! LOL!

The felting projects I make will be a little more simple right now (nothing attached that the kids can pull off). My plan for Ella’s birthday is to make a felt family (a fantasy theme complete with a wizard, fairies, a woodsman and his wife) I have built a small wood kitchen table for them to sit at- later on will be a bigger project of a tree house to scale to fit the dolls.

Kristie over at Earthschooling.com has some great needle felting projects on video - even ones that you can do with 3 yr old and chop sticks (instead of sharp needles)! Also, some great knitting projects- she has TONS of other great info as well, check it out!  

Anyway, I am looking forward to blogging more now that my major herbal project is complete. Look for more articles on being an authentic mama soon!

“Why is it that when I don’t know what I want, there is always someone waiting to tell me what it is? I’m just lucky I guess. ~ Anne Wilson Schaef

Do you really know what your needs are?

If you are not living authentically, you may wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and wonder who the person is that is staring back at you.

If we get used to doing what everyone else expects of us, we may loose the ability to determine what we want. We may get confused about what it is exactly that is good and right for us.  Our needs are not being met because we do not know what those needs are.

Unless you know what you want, what your values are, and what is right for you, you cannot be an honest person. You are not only being dishonest with yourself, but you are being dishonest with everyone you are trying to please. You may think you are pleasing them, but the reality is they will never get to know the real you.

People who will try to punish you for being authentic

In The Essential Laws of Fearless Living by Guy Finley he states ” Walk away from anyone who “helps” you to feel that it’s necessary for you to hurt; leave anyone who causes you pain for “your own good”.

Often we may fear being authentic about our wants, needs and values because of the reaction of others. In my view, honesty is the best policy. Real love is unconditional.

“Never accept as natural or necessary any relationship outwardly- or inwardly – with a person or psychological state that punishes you. Say “NO” and just go! A whole new independent life awaits you.” Guy Finely

Here is a great needs inventory from the Center For Nonviolent Communication

This list may help you in your path to authenticity, do you recognize any of these needs that may not be getting met in your life right now? Are you able to communicate these needs in a healthy way with others?

Here are some great products and resources:   Guy Finely Fearless Living

How many times have I been caught off guard, someone I care about has pointed the finger at me with a personal insult of some kind. I loose sleep over it, my mind just keeps reeling with countless questions, thoughts, and possible solutions. Maybe I should tell them this or that, maybe I should just stop talking to them, maybe I should call my friend and ask what she thinks. “This whole thing is stupid”,I think to myself as I reach for the skullcap tincture so I can get some sleep.

I remember when I was younger, someone would say something about me personally that I did not feel was true about me. I would waste my valuable energy trying to come up with useful ‘comebacks’- Funny, witty, smart-ass, cutting, burning… This was fun to do in the privacy of my own mind, but of course I would always think “I should have said/ did that- wait until next time!”

Back in grade school we had a name for it- someone would make a comeback remark and we would say “OHHHHH Burn!!!’. Then we would be proud of that, as if we accomplished something, really standing up for ourselves. The other person would either go away, head down in defeat, or come back with and even bigger and better ‘burn’ – until the recess bell rang and the dual of words was over (until next time). If this sounds childish- believe it or not, I have still had this go on in my own personal life in one form or another.

I don’t believe this is really standing up for yourself. This just brings you down to their level. You cannot ascend to the top when you are busy holding someone else down, at the bottom of the barrel. You must let go.

Letting go is really what it’s about isn’t it.

I have heard over and over again that when someone points the finger at you, they are actually pointing it right back at themselves. What they are saying about you, is a deep seeded insecurity that they are actually feeling about themselves. They are afraid to be in touch with their own feelings, so the project it outward- onto you.

“you spot it you got it” Rita Davenport

I used to work retail sales at Jay Jacobs at Lloyd Center. I never lost my cool. I would have customers screaming at me, I always had a way of defusing the situation.I did not take it personally, I knew the customer was upset and really what they wanted was a solution- something I would try to make happen for them. I was not emotionally attached to an outcome, or the person.

It would get a little more complicated when I was dealing with people who were intertwined into my everyday life- people I was emotionally attached to . I had this desire for approval, I wanted them to understand, I wanted them to know that these things they were saying about me were not true, I felt like they didn’t really know me if they are thinking such things- so I would try to explain myself- convince them. Or, I would feel  like I had been disrespected, insulted, so I would try to give them a ‘taste of their own medicine’ as my mother used to say- revenge, punishment, with words.

Here is the realization I came to:

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. The person who is pointing the finger has to work that out (whatever it is) for themselves, in their own time. All the convincing in the world is not going to get them there. They have to be ready. Until they work on themselves (their own self-esteem), they will never be able to see the good qualities in you. This is useful information too if you find yourself judging or criticizing someone- can you find out what is going on inside you that would make you see those things?

Here is something else that is true for me. Some people are able to stay in abusive situations, put themselves in the mix and keep their cool. But for me, I am a sensitive soul. Constant drama is excruciating to me. I need to make my boundaries known- then if they continue to be crossed I have to get myself out of the situation. I have always gotten over things very quickly (even though I take things to heart initially), I tend to see the positive side to a situation. When I say ‘it’s fine’ it really is fine for me. The problem with forgetting the whole thing is, I may have been sending out the message that it was OK to treat me badly- never really making it clear that this I will no longer accept a certain behavior, I was teaching people how to treat me. I had concern that if I brought up (how the name calling and finger pointing made me feel), I would just stir things up again so I would not say anything, smile and say ‘it’s all good’. The problem with that was the pattern would keep repeating itself. Until finally I was forced to face it and learn from it.

Then one day- I remembered. I look back and I come to the realization that I have allowed a behavior that is not acceptable to me anymore. I guess I have come to realize that everything is not always ‘OK’ with me, that I have a right to not allow certain things into my life. That I have a right to want things to be more peaceful for my family.

Forgiveness. That does not mean that you have to invite them over for tea every day. It means you understand that they did the best with the information and knowledge they had at the time, they are in pain- you can feel compassion for them.You can understand that you cannot change another person- simply let them be who they are, and love yourself. Don’t expect anything from THEM to make you more whole- you have to do that for yourself.  I think that may be where the saying comes from ‘plant your own garden’~ I have always loved that saying, maybe because of my personal connection to plants.

” What I had been craving was a resolution, a peace summit, from which we could emerge with a united understanding of what had occurred in our marriage, and a mutual forgiveness for the ugliness of our divorce. But months of counseling and mediation had only made us  more divided and locked our positions solid, turning us into two people who were absolutely incapable of giving each other any release. Yet it’s what we both needed, I was sure of it” ~Elizabeth Gilbert Eat, Pray, Love

Time to let it go.

When you have a deep knowing in your own heart about your self worth, values, and purpose- the need to ‘defend’ yourself will come up less frequently. You will not need to ‘convince’ anyone~ this is who you are.

I used to think that setting boundaries was something you do in defense – in an angry moment. It is not. It is the calm knowing of what you will accept.

This has been talked about many times before- but it is true. When you are truly confident with yourself, those who do not see that in themselves will either leave your presence, or they themselves will begin to change.

Awareness is the first step.

Sometimes letting go means leaving, some times it means letting go of beliefs and habits that no longer serve you, sometimes it means giving yourself freedom to be authentic.

It is a process, a process I am working on. Thank you for reading my insights on my journey. Since I have been more clear about my personal values, what I want for myself and my family,  and made a commitment to myself to solidify those, I have never felt more free. There is a release of resistance, a resistance that I did not even know was there. I feel light and free ~happy~!

“It doesn’t matter what other people say or do what matters is how I choose to react and what I choose to believe about myself”~ Louise L. Hay

Do you have anything you need to let go of?

The good girl

You may be thinking, ‘isn’t it good to be  ‘well behaved”?  If you are being genuine, it is your choice,  and you are not coming from a space of fear, then of course it is. On the flip side, being overly ‘well behaved’ can actually be dangerous, a girl may feel afraid to speak up when she is having a health issue, another girl may be afraid to tell a boy ‘no’  who is making sexual advances (and it is making her uncomfortable) , a boy may feel pressure from his peers to commit an act of violence, these are just a few extreme examples- but there are many more less obvious ones.

If you are being ‘good’ because you are afraid, resentment for others will begin to stew as you chip away your own needs and wants- this can be taxing on self esteem. It can be insidious, you may not even realize you are doing it.

Do you go ahead and eat something (cold, tastes bad, or the wrong order)  because you don’t want to ‘bother’ the wait staff?

Do you always say ‘yes’ right away because you don’t want to seem cold or unavailable to others? Resulting in you over- scheduling yourself/ feeling exhausted ?

Do you let yourself be pressured into things/ situations that are not right for you?

Do you not tell the truth because you are afraid you may hurt other people’s feelings?

Do you go against your gut feelings because you want to please others? And then later regret it?

Do you find it hard to ask for directions/ to speak up when you need help?

Standing up for yourself may have consequences- and others may not always like it

~but it’s necessary and worth it in the long run~

If you read my previous post I discuss how I made a decision that if I was ever put in that position – I would ‘do what I need to do’.  I had the opportunity in Mr. Kyles earth science class 5 years later to put this promise I made to myself to the test. I always had a problem speaking up to authority and a terrible fear of ‘getting in trouble’ or disappointing an authority figure- especially teachers. So asking to go to the bathroom (and going anyway after being told no) may not seem like a big deal, but it is the courage to do the little everyday things that are necessary to stand up for ourselves that give us the courage to really do it when the big major things arise.

The day it happened

Earth Science class was right after lunch, even though I would stop to go to the bathroom before class, it seemed like I always had to go again half way through. You were not allowed to drink or eat during classes, so of course during lunch I would make up for it with a 24 once cup full of Coca Cola.

Mr Kyle had this ridiculous rule that you could only go to the bathroom 3 times per year. He must have really loved this rule because he spent half of the first day of class explaining how he kept track of your bathroom breaks, and how he would not let anyone go past 3 under any circumstances.

I raised my hand and asked the dreaded question “can I go to the bathroom?” Mr kyles said “Well Angie, I think you used up your privileges, but let me take a look”. He opens his forest green ‘everyone’s bathroom habits’ notebook “Yep, just as I thought, you have used them all”. “But I really need to go” I replied. “Sorry, you should have thought of that at lunch, now get to work”.

My mind automatically thought back to Terry (who did not feel she could stand up for herself, so she ended up having an ‘accident’ in class), and all of sudden I could think of nothing else, I was afraid I was going to loose it. “I am sorry Mr Kyle but I have to go NOW” I said.  “YOU WILL NOT” I hear Mr Kyle state in the background as I am running down the hallway, out the double doors, halfway through the commons I had to stop and cross my legs- I managed to gather myself and made it to the bathroom. I hadn’t even came out of the stall when heard the click, click, click of Principle Myer’s maroon pumps on the tile floor. The clicking stopped and she stood there, her two feet right in front of my stall. When I came out Mrs Myer’s was giving me the evil eye”Come with me” ….

This was a major problem. You don’t just walk out of the classroom. I tried to explain that I had to go and it couldn’t wait. This was not good enough. I was taken out of Mr. Kyles classroom, had to re-take earth science the next year, my parents were called and I was sent home for the day.   My step dad delighted in grounding me for 2 weeks over the whole affair, and I got the lecture of how I should have thought about having to pee during the lunch break.

It was excruciating but worth it. I was told later by my science partner Matt that everyone in the classroom went into an uproar after I left- cheering and wailing. Turns out I was a catalyst to a near riot. The following weeks were full of hallway high-fives and ‘right on!’ from friends and strangers alike.

“Real authenticity is not some set of rules or a self-righteous definition about how people “should” be in life…it is the willingness and courage to be real, true, transparent, and vulnerable in the moment-by-moment, day-by-day experience of being in relationship with others and living this magical, mysterious, wonderful, crazy, exciting thing we call life.~ Mike Robbins”

If you want to make a positive difference in other people’s lives, you have to make a positive difference in your own life first.

If you have been playing the ‘good girl’ role, you may find it hard to start saying no, or disappointing others. As Cheryl Richardson states in her book Extreme Self Care.

“Most of us don’t like to hurt or disappoint our fellow men and women. It’s an uncomfortable thing to do. Some common reasons for this are:

We don’t want to feel guilty.
We don’t want to disappoint others because we know how bad it feels.
We don’t have the language to let someone down with grace and love.
Our fear of conflict and our desire to keep the peace keep us from telling the truth.
We want people to like us and are uncomfortable when they don’t. ”

Read Cheryl’s article to find out how to say ‘no’ with grace and love..

As a young girl,  I was proud of the fact that I was such a well behaved child, a ‘good girl’.

Sometime around the 4th grade I began to make a gradual shift from the ‘good girl’ role. I was getting tired of always feeling uncomfortable, not expressing how I really felt, and having to be so damn patient. I feared disapproval and craved acceptance, but something in me was changing.

In the 4th grade an event happened that changed my thinking, made me rethink this whole persona I was playing.

Mr. Skirtese was my 4th grade teacher. He was odd to say the least. No one could guess how old he really was, was he 50? was he 70? no one knew. He acted as if he was from a different planet (or perhaps arrived her on a time machine from some other country), some place where they wore big ties and spoke words people never used in the 80′s like ‘lavatory’. He always wore socks that were mismatched, and ties that were too big with odd color combination’s like salmon pink, turquoise,  and grass green.

Mr. Skirtese had a crush on my mom so he made sure that he always gave me extra ‘attention’,  constantly helping me with my assignments, leaning over to check my work. I sat there cringing,  he smelled like a combination of mothballs, stale coffee, and Pall Mall cigarettes. ‘Just get away from me’ I would think, as he was going over how to spell ‘scissors’ on more time. I just knew that the only reason he was being so nice to me was because he liked my mom.

Mr Skirtese drove me absolutely nuts, not to mention the fact that he put me in the position of ‘teacher’s pet’ something I did not want. I was loosing friends over the whole deal, they were starting to think that I was some sort of ‘goody two-shoes’. I couldn’t have that, I was still trying to assert myself as the schoolyard tom-boy.  I detested the teasing,  it pissed me off so bad that later in the year I ended up putting a tack on his chair (something I had NEVER done or even considered doing as the ‘good girl’), when he asked who did it, I admitted it on the spot. “I’m surprised at you Angie, this is not like you” I remember hearing him say. This of course backfired, because what followed was a series of parent teacher conferences, talking about my ‘problems’ while having to watch Mr Skirtese bat his eyes at my mom- YUK!

On the first day of class Mr Skirtese told everyone it was time to go to the lavatory.  Everyone eagerly lined up in a perfectly straight line outside the classroom thinking we were heading off to some fun science experiment involving volcanoes- turns out he was just taking us on a bathroom break. “Here in Troutdale we call it the bathroom” Tony Harris pipes up, before he lost his ‘lavatory’ privilege.

Mr Skirtese had specific rules for when the ‘lavatory’ would be used. So when Terri Ellis raised her hand to go- we all knew the answer would be no. I sat there and watched as Terri’s face turn pomegranate red, tears streaming down her cheeks, she sat there uncomfortable and scared. “Please Mr. Skirtese, I REALLY need to go” she pleaded. “Sorry Terri, Lavatory break was earlier today” Mr Skirtese said, sitting at his desk,  not looking up from his grading sheet.

There was a trickling sound, everyone turned to look at Teri, there was an uncomfortable silence when we saw the yellow stream of liquid flowing from Terry’s chair onto the floor. I wanted to go to her but the rules state we are to stay in our seats. She stood up, embarrassed and crying, hands covering her face,  her Normandy Rose Jeans dark with the wetness of urine- both front and back. Mr Skirtese  jumped up from his desk, he walked briskly toward Terri. Forcing a loud harsh whisper he said “If you really had to go that bad, you should have just went”.

Everyone was rushed out of class into the hallway.  The janitor came in a few minutes later with his long yellow gloves, a bucket and some sort of sanitizer.

I always regretted not going to Terri….

I also knew that that could have easily been me. I spent all of my previous years (however few) being the good girl, afraid to stand up for myself.

I told myself then and there- ‘I gotta do what I gotta do, if I ever have to go to the bathroom, (I mean REALLY have to go) I am going to do it- regardless of what ANYONE says’.

That is when I slowly started changing from the shy ‘good’ girl, to the still ‘pretty good’ rebellious teen, to the authentic woman I am now…

My opportunity came 5 year later: Read Part 2 Here

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. Albert Einstein

I use the example above of how growing up in a school environment can make it extremely hard to be authentic. We often feel pressure to pick a role for ourselves just so we can get through the day.  Sometimes these habits drift into our adult lives, effecting our everyday living long after we have graduated.

Do you go against your gut feelings because you want to please others and later regret it?

Do you have a ‘role’ or ‘persona’ that is not authentic to you?

Continue to part 2

More Resources;

Discover your true purpose, live witout fear and stress

Medicine Woman Core Course

Some names in the story have been changed:)