Every once in a while I just need to get out of the house. Alone. For a while I was using grocery shopping to get this ‘alone time’ , but I soon realized this was not enough.

Now I have made a commitment to do what I want to do- a date for myself at least once per month. For me this usually means getting out in nature. I had the most amazing experience of an eagle flying directly over my head the last time I went on a mini hike out in the Columbia River Gorge.

I also drove to some of my favorite lookout points.

Took a short hike to one of my favorite water falls.

Took some pictures of the local plants.

I even got to spy on a few horses.

This little outing only lasted half a day, but I felt recharged for much longer.

Create a date for yourself; Some Ideas:

Go to you favorite coffee shop or wine bar and write in your journal.

Raining? That is the best time to walk in the woods!

Pack a picnic lunch for yourself and go spend some time with your favorite tree.

Go browse your favorite book store and have a beverage of your choice.

If the sun is shining, simply go and enjoy if you have a favorite getaway spot.

Take a swim in your favorite swimming hole or if you are lucky enough to live near the ocean, go there.

It is important, when making time for yourself, to make sure you have time to reflect. Don’t use this time to run errands or do things for others. This is about you! 

Whatever it is, put it on your schedule. You are worth it.

Happy New Year! Look for some exciting changes on authentic mama in 2011!

Choose to grow with more new courses and free resources for mamas!

In the meantime, enjoy the New Year Celebration with your family!

Tonight I will be enjoying elderberry champagne -(for a quick ‘mimosa’ cocktail just add a little elderberry juice to store bought champagne)!

Cheers!

No matter what (or if) you celebrate during the holiday season, may your heart be filled with light, love and happiness!

Your Home

If you are stressing about your home being clean or looking just right for the holiday guests,  I love what my Grandmother used to always say to me and my mom when she would stop by (after our apologies for the house being a mess).

“I came here to see you, not your house.”

Live in the moment and savor those times with family and friends!

If you spend your time worrying and cleaning like a maniac before guests arrive, you will be so tired you won’t be able to relax and enjoy yourself.

Your true friends are there to see YOU, so take this time to relax and enjoy yourself mama!

You are who you are, your home is what it is, what really matters is the interactions you have with those who are special to you in your life- besides, chances are people have already made up their minds about you anyway (no amount of trying to impress is going to change that).

Enjoy!

Related articles

• Stressed Out by the Holidays? Find Some Relief With These Resources (psychology.about.com)

The holidays can get pretty hectic if we let them. We can get distracted by all of the big and shiny things.

With the modern world and all it’s advances we sometimes loose touch with what is really important.

A few nights back I was watching an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, he was visiting Provence France. Provence is famous for their simple living. In the episode Anthony was talking to one of the locals- he said, I’m paraphrasing, ‘isn’t it funny how people finally make it in life, become rich, spend their entire life working to make money so they can come here and get back to the basics again?’

I believe a simple life is what most people really want, but we get caught up in all the noise and glitter of modern life. We let the modern world around us influence what we are doing on a daily basis (most of the time without even realizing it- that is what good marketing is all about), when really the best medicine may be just to simply slow down and simplify.

You don’t need to move to Provence France to simplify your life, you can begin to make this a priority for yourself wherever you live. Who knows, your actions just may catch on to others around you!

Feel lost and confused? Lift the veil of confusion- focus on simplifying your life.

The more simple we make our lives,  the more clearly we are able to see ourselves for who we are and the world around us for what it really is.

Ask yourself what is more important the THINGS you have or your EXPERIENCES….

Read more related articles below for tips on how to simplify your life:

Related articles

• How to Simplify Your Life in 10 Steps (workawesome.com)
• Simple Living… with a Sense of Humor: Warren Johnson’s Muddling Toward Frugality (sustainablog.org)
• When In Doubt Simplify (zenhabits.net)
• Watch Anthony Bourdain Provence Part 1

As you probably know I have been working pretty hard on the course for for the Wildcraft game. But also, along with that, I have been creating Ella’s preschool curricula. We have attended a playgroup (that gave me some great ideas for my home program!) But for an all natural play group we had to drive an hour all the way to Portland (plus it was a little spendy, and in this economy we just couldn’t spend the money). So I became very inspired by Kristy Earthschooling.com  - she has tons of great video tutorials, creating a program, natural toys and activities etc. It is wonderful!

So I have decided to start a nature based program  myself! Since there is nothing like this anywhere near where I live, I am hoping I will get a few moms that may be interested.

So, I made these squirrels really fast for me and the kids ‘circle time’ today.  

Every morning during circle time me and the kids sing songs and tell stories. I thought it would be really cute for my ’5 squirrels’ story if I could make some finger puppets.

I had no idea these would be such a hit. The kids LOVED the squirrels. So since then I have made a few birds as well.

 Now I am on an craft kick LOL! Not only is it economical but really fun! The kids love the handmade toys.

I am really excited to start needle felting small bendy dolls for the kids. My kit arrived today (needles, felt, wool) this starter kit is only $12.71 and it has everything you need to get started, including a nice amount of wool, pad,  and 3 needles!

 Have you heard of needle felting? If you have not here is an example of some really cute ideas. I don’t have any affiliation with Forest Whimsy or The Rowen Tree, I just though I would show you a really cute needle felting project.

http://forestwhimsy.net/dolls.htm

And this one from the Rowen tree http://beneaththerowantree.com/ROOTEDnov08.html

What I love about the felting is you have to stab the felt several times with the needle- I find this stabbing really relaxing! LOL!

The felting projects I make will be a little more simple right now (nothing attached that the kids can pull off). My plan for Ella’s birthday is to make a felt family (a fantasy theme complete with a wizard, fairies, a woodsman and his wife) I have built a small wood kitchen table for them to sit at- later on will be a bigger project of a tree house to scale to fit the dolls.

Kristie over at Earthschooling.com has some great needle felting projects on video - even ones that you can do with 3 yr old and chop sticks (instead of sharp needles)! Also, some great knitting projects- she has TONS of other great info as well, check it out!  

Anyway, I am looking forward to blogging more now that my major herbal project is complete. Look for more articles on being an authentic mama soon!

Check out my article in the July issue of American College Of Health Science newsletter!

Find it on page 4 How to help children discover the wonders of nature: Growing plants that attract wildlife

The good girl

You may be thinking, ‘isn’t it good to be  ‘well behaved”?  If you are being genuine, it is your choice,  and you are not coming from a space of fear, then of course it is. On the flip side, being overly ‘well behaved’ can actually be dangerous, a girl may feel afraid to speak up when she is having a health issue, another girl may be afraid to tell a boy ‘no’  who is making sexual advances (and it is making her uncomfortable) , a boy may feel pressure from his peers to commit an act of violence, these are just a few extreme examples- but there are many more less obvious ones.

If you are being ‘good’ because you are afraid, resentment for others will begin to stew as you chip away your own needs and wants- this can be taxing on self esteem. It can be insidious, you may not even realize you are doing it.

Do you go ahead and eat something (cold, tastes bad, or the wrong order)  because you don’t want to ‘bother’ the wait staff?

Do you always say ‘yes’ right away because you don’t want to seem cold or unavailable to others? Resulting in you over- scheduling yourself/ feeling exhausted ?

Do you let yourself be pressured into things/ situations that are not right for you?

Do you not tell the truth because you are afraid you may hurt other people’s feelings?

Do you go against your gut feelings because you want to please others? And then later regret it?

Do you find it hard to ask for directions/ to speak up when you need help?

Standing up for yourself may have consequences- and others may not always like it

~but it’s necessary and worth it in the long run~

If you read my previous post I discuss how I made a decision that if I was ever put in that position – I would ‘do what I need to do’.  I had the opportunity in Mr. Kyles earth science class 5 years later to put this promise I made to myself to the test. I always had a problem speaking up to authority and a terrible fear of ‘getting in trouble’ or disappointing an authority figure- especially teachers. So asking to go to the bathroom (and going anyway after being told no) may not seem like a big deal, but it is the courage to do the little everyday things that are necessary to stand up for ourselves that give us the courage to really do it when the big major things arise.

The day it happened

Earth Science class was right after lunch, even though I would stop to go to the bathroom before class, it seemed like I always had to go again half way through. You were not allowed to drink or eat during classes, so of course during lunch I would make up for it with a 24 once cup full of Coca Cola.

Mr Kyle had this ridiculous rule that you could only go to the bathroom 3 times per year. He must have really loved this rule because he spent half of the first day of class explaining how he kept track of your bathroom breaks, and how he would not let anyone go past 3 under any circumstances.

I raised my hand and asked the dreaded question “can I go to the bathroom?” Mr kyles said “Well Angie, I think you used up your privileges, but let me take a look”. He opens his forest green ‘everyone’s bathroom habits’ notebook “Yep, just as I thought, you have used them all”. “But I really need to go” I replied. “Sorry, you should have thought of that at lunch, now get to work”.

My mind automatically thought back to Terry (who did not feel she could stand up for herself, so she ended up having an ‘accident’ in class), and all of sudden I could think of nothing else, I was afraid I was going to loose it. “I am sorry Mr Kyle but I have to go NOW” I said.  “YOU WILL NOT” I hear Mr Kyle state in the background as I am running down the hallway, out the double doors, halfway through the commons I had to stop and cross my legs- I managed to gather myself and made it to the bathroom. I hadn’t even came out of the stall when heard the click, click, click of Principle Myer’s maroon pumps on the tile floor. The clicking stopped and she stood there, her two feet right in front of my stall. When I came out Mrs Myer’s was giving me the evil eye”Come with me” ….

This was a major problem. You don’t just walk out of the classroom. I tried to explain that I had to go and it couldn’t wait. This was not good enough. I was taken out of Mr. Kyles classroom, had to re-take earth science the next year, my parents were called and I was sent home for the day.   My step dad delighted in grounding me for 2 weeks over the whole affair, and I got the lecture of how I should have thought about having to pee during the lunch break.

It was excruciating but worth it. I was told later by my science partner Matt that everyone in the classroom went into an uproar after I left- cheering and wailing. Turns out I was a catalyst to a near riot. The following weeks were full of hallway high-fives and ‘right on!’ from friends and strangers alike.

“Real authenticity is not some set of rules or a self-righteous definition about how people “should” be in life…it is the willingness and courage to be real, true, transparent, and vulnerable in the moment-by-moment, day-by-day experience of being in relationship with others and living this magical, mysterious, wonderful, crazy, exciting thing we call life.~ Mike Robbins”

If you want to make a positive difference in other people’s lives, you have to make a positive difference in your own life first.

If you have been playing the ‘good girl’ role, you may find it hard to start saying no, or disappointing others. As Cheryl Richardson states in her book Extreme Self Care.

“Most of us don’t like to hurt or disappoint our fellow men and women. It’s an uncomfortable thing to do. Some common reasons for this are:

We don’t want to feel guilty.
We don’t want to disappoint others because we know how bad it feels.
We don’t have the language to let someone down with grace and love.
Our fear of conflict and our desire to keep the peace keep us from telling the truth.
We want people to like us and are uncomfortable when they don’t. ”

Read Cheryl’s article to find out how to say ‘no’ with grace and love..

Today I ran across this quote “It is very difficult for your child’s horizons to be greater than your own.”

I came to the realization that when we limit ourselves we tend to try to place those same limits on our children.

I later ran across this article Would you like to stop worrying about what others think?

In it the author talks about limiting beliefs. Of course we do not want to limit our children! But if we limit ourselves we cannot see the unlimited potential in others. How broad is your horizon? Are you living your passion and purpose or are past beliefs holding you back?

Sometimes we go into autopilot mode and shift back to limiting ourselves by beliefs others have placed on us. I can really relate to this. When I was in second grade a teacher that I really admired told me I was ‘slow’ (turns out I have dyslexia). I excelled in reading but always had problems with spelling and math (I would reverse letters and numbers) I carried that with me for a long time and avoided all forms of writing. It wasn’t until I started following my passion that I broke through the barriers I had placed on myself and began writing (it was necessary to graduate from the program I was enrolled in!) I literally had to make myself do it! I have to admit I almost did not enroll in college because I was afraid I would be ‘called out’ or ‘discovered’ that I was dyslexic.

Now writing is a central part of my life. I use it to communicate with students, express myself through this blog, and even as a healing tool. I no longer even think about my dyslexia. In fact the dyslexia has given me a wonderful gift, I believe it has everything to do with why I am creative in other ways- other senses are amplified and I am an extreme right brain thinker. This enables me to be very creative!

The lesson I learned is don’t limit yourself! Even if you think that you may not do extremely well at something, if you feel pulled to do it, go for it! You will find a way! Others will come into help, you may find with practice you will get better, and thank God for spell check!!!!

In the process you may find you will go in a different direction, that is OK too! It is all part of the learning process. But the main thing is don’t completely avoid something out of fear and don’t accept labels that others put on you. Sometimes it may take some convincing (you have that ‘voice’, ‘gremlin’  or ‘ monkey mind’ whatever you may call it) sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it, as you see small goals getting accomplished your confidence will increase. Imagine yourself as what you want to become, I like writing and reading affirmations that I create for myself to solidify my new goal and direction (we use index cards for study tools- why not for goals too!) These are just a few things you can do to overcome those limiting beliefs that you have been placing on yourself. Remember it is only a thought and it can be changed.

Your kids will benefit as well as you pass these lessons on to them!

More resources…

Outlaw’s Counsel

Manifest Mastermind

Click here for Healing Emotional Wounds

Click here for Overcoming Self-Sabotage

photo credit: Jocko B.

Maya is a mom with two small children and works 40 hours a week at a job she does not love. She gives time and energy to her children and to her job but feels in a constant state of stress. Her life is controlled by a to-do list and she has no time for herself. Some days she feels her authentic self disappearing as she tries to keep up with the needs of her family. Deep down she knows there is more to life than the way she lives now but she doesn’t know how to rejuvenate her life.

Have you ever felt like the woman in this story?

As a mom, do you ever feel as if your authentic sense of self is being smothered by people and things that demand your time, attention, and energy?

As moms, we are givers. We give time to our children. We give energy to organizing the family schedule and household chores. We give attention to those who are sick or who are in need. We give advice such as wash your hands and eat your veges. We give hope to those who need it most. And as if that was not enough giving, we also happen to give birth to life. As authentic mamas, we are givers.

I’m here to tell you that it’s time to give to the most important person in your life – YOU! If you are not putting yourself first, all of the giving you do will eventual leave you empty and exhausted.

Today I give you permission to put yourself first.

1. Take Time for Silent Relaxation. Even 5 minutes a day of meditation is enough time to feel the benefits within your body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Putting yourself first means connecting with your sense of self awareness.

2. Take Action Towards Your Dreams. When I started CreateaBalance.com back in February 2008, I realized I was living my dream simply by taking actions towards my dreams. Once you have determined what your dreams and goals are, incorporate baby action steps towards achieving these dreams. SARK recommends using micromovements to reach your goals, which means every action step is only 5 minutes or less. She figures everyone can manage almost anything for 5 minutes.

3. Connect with Like-Minded Women. Busy routine-filled lives can give us a sense of being isolated from others. To live fully and authentically, it is essential to find time to connect with people you enjoy. If you can’t remember the last time you spent time with friends (without your children) then it is time to put yourself first and schedule a fun day or night out with a friend! Connecting with online friends is a great way to get a quick friendship fix. Embrace the power of relationships and have fun connecting with others.

4. Get Moving. I don’t care if you are training for a marathon, using the farthest parking space from the mall, or taking a sun-lit walk around the block. You are putting yourself first every time you choose to move your body towards the goal of being physically fit. Creatively incorporate some sort of movement into what you already love to do.

5. Feed Your Body Love. I recognize there are many opportunities to make poor choices when it comes to diet and nutrition. Goodness knows almost every restaurant in my town loads piles of french fries onto my sons’ plates. I hate having to resist those fries all through my meal. I do resist them, however, because I am putting myself first and making an active choice to eat healthy. I am not 100% successful, but if I choose to eat unhealthy food it is usually a result of putting myself last.

6. Do What You Love. List twenty things you love doing. Then think about the last time you put yourself first and found time to do these things. Can you find a few things on your list that you can do this week?

7. Honor Your Time. In the Artist’s way, Julia Cameron suggests reflecting on the major activities of your week. Once you create a list of your major activities, think about how much time you gave to each one? Which were what you wanted to do and which were “shoulds”? How much of your time is spent helping others and ignoring your own desires?

If you could take one micromovement towards putting yourself first today, what would you do?

Bio:

Stacey Hoffer Weckstein is a life coach, change management consultant, presenter, trainer, and a global advocate for finding “me” time and putting yourself first. She brings over 14 years of experience in the field of adult learning and human development and helps thousands of people think about and practice the art of life balance.

Stacey’s coaching style and her blog, CreateaBalance.com encourage you to embrace your authentic sense of self, to live with intention, to practice putting yourself first, to hold yourself accountable, and to take action towards living your best life.

When Stacey became a working mom back in 2003, she knew she had to balance the needs of her inner authentic self with the needs of all of the other things that demanded her time, attention, and energy. This process of practicing the art of life balance was one of the most powerful and liberating experiences of her life.

She is now committed to helping other people balance their essential “me” time with everything else that demands their time, attention, and energy.

She has worked with entrepreneurs, large corporations, non-profit organizations, health care systems, academic institutions, and government agencies. She holds a Masters degree in Human Resource Development from Louisiana State University and a Bachelor’s of Science degree, with honors, from Michigan State University.

I am honored that Stacey provided this awesome post for authentic mama. Be sure and visit her awesome website Create a Balance today!

As a mom with a child who may not be considered ‘typical’ according to all of the developmental charts, I can completely relate to the anxiety one initially feels when you sense something may be ‘wrong’. It is easy to get caught up in information overload.  I got so many “shoulds’ from others. There is an ocean of information you can surf through on the internet. After my initial fear reaction, I realized I needed to take a deep breath, it was going to be OK. Once I started to come from a place of compassion and trust instead of fear, the people who were giving me all those ‘shoulds’ gradually just disappeared.

I remember when my daughter Ella first started showing some ‘red flags”, when she was 15 months old she lost the 10 plus words she had. She began having meltdowns, had extreme reactions to certain sounds, had extreme social anxiety,  and had problems transitioning from routine. Ella loved the show Signing Time (we saw it on Public TV). We began watching the show daily learning signs together. At first Ella only knew 2 or 3 signs, but months passed and she was able to pick up 10 plus signs. I noticed she was using signs just to show us she knew them- not in conversation (she would sign Table for example, not referring to a Table but to show us she knew the sign- she knew the sign for water and food but instead of using them she would scream or push when she wanted something)  An ‘expert’ told me not to bother with sign language because she was not using it pragmatically. That I should go with a picture communication exchange system or a communication device (small hand-held computer system). This did not resonate with me, I could not see carrying a book or computer around wherever we went, we are a very active  family and I have a baby son- what if these devices were lost? Plus Ella LOVED the signing, my heart told me there had to be a way. I explored other ways to teach Ella how to use the signs to communicate- I ran across a method called ‘manding’ (teaching how to use signs for commands) after several weeks of practice (and some resistance from Ella at first) the method worked!  I went with my intution and it has paid off! Ella’s confidence continues to grow as she practices a form of communication she loves, she can communicate with us any time and at any place. I am not discounting the use of PECS or computer systems- they are excellent for some children- just not ideal for our situation.

Following your authentic path as a family can be difficult- that is why it is so important to take care of yourself as a mom! If you are feeding your own body, mind, and spirit you will be available to make the right decisions for your family and your unique situation.  By focusing on self care when needed, you will not only be able to be there for your kids because you will have optimum health and state of mind, but you will be an excellent role model for them in the future. When you are centered you can be more confident that the decistions you are making are the right ones for your situation at that time.

The sign language debate was not the only choice we made as a family that people disagreed with and I am sure it won’t be the last… But at least I can feel confident that we are going with what is best for OUR authentic family and learning along the way!

There is an excellent post over at Close to the root blog about ‘parenting out of the box’- a perfect example of following your authentic path, enjoy!