Looking for a way to make your nature walks more meaningful for you and your kids (or others interested in plant lore)? I love storytelling,  plant legends and folklore- my other blog The Herbalist’s Path also covers some legends and folklore if you would like to check out more.

This one is a charming old fairy tale about one of my favorite flowers- The buttercup Ranunculus – The botanical name for buttercup is the diminutive of “rana”, which means frog- the buttercup loves to grow in the same habitat frogs prefer.

Image by AnneTanne via Flickr

Although they are not blooming now (we can expect them in early may around the Pacific Northwest) I thought that this bright beauty may cheer you up on a cold winter day.

The tale….

A man was so obsessed with finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that he had no time for human relationships.

Finally when he was an old man, he did find the pot of gold and tried to hide it, but an elf who followed him cut a hole in the pot so that the gold pieces dropped out one by one.

The fairies  came along and fastened a green stem to each piece of gold so that they would not sink into the earth and get lost.

Because gold had only made the man selfish and unhappy, a good fairy turned all the gold pieces into buttercups which would bring more durable happiness to the world than gold pieces.

Resource: Profiles of Northwest Plants by Peggy Robinson

 More info on Ranunculus

Related articles

• Ranunculus Radiates Charm (funflowerfacts.com)

Self Esteem- Why it is crucial …and  a few resources for you!

Without High Self Esteem You Cannot Be Authentic

Why work on your self esteem? There are a lot of ‘self help’ programs out there that say they will take you to the next level, give you the one secret to success, change your life for the better- and they may!

However, if you do not have high self esteem for a foundation, your choices will not be coming from a place of authenticity.

People with high self esteem don’t conform to what other people impose on to them- but instead make their decisions based on what is true to them…. they follow their own heart!

Here are some major areas in your life that self esteem effects:

1. Your chosen field of study/ work

2. Beliefs

3. Goals

4. Habits

5. Lifestyle

6. Relationships

7. Choices

In future articles we will be going into detail with this inner work (your self esteem), we will explore where the above areas are actually coming from (are they authentic to you or are your beliefs/ choices / habits/ values coming from other sources).

Change is never easy, and most people rarely take personal responsibly for their life. If you have high self esteem (self love, self worth) you are rich (whether you have money or not) – when you focus on your self esteem and your own authenticity, your gifts and your purpose will become clear to you and you will be able to make the right choices for yourself.

When you have high self esteem it will be easier for you to deal with the backlash you will receive when you attempt to change for the better. You would think that others would want the best for you, but when you change this is scary to them because the person they know is not your full authentic self (when you have low self esteem you make choices based on seeking approval rather than what is best for you- they judge you based on these choices)- so they believe in the old you- not the REAL you.

The good news is that when you are yourself your true friends will stay true and all others will not be in the picture anymore (their dysfunctional ways no longer work for you, and this does not work for them either- they will be on a different path).

When your self esteem is high you stop sabotaging yourself, even when failure occurs you realize it is part of the learning journey.

Notice how ‘lifestyle’ is one of the areas? Yes self esteem even affects your lifestyle- living a WHOLEistic life (being in balance) depends on your sense of self worth- since this is what your choices are based on!

So be the light not the judge! Set the example by making your self worth and self esteem a priority daily. This is an ongoing exercise.

***You need support. Surround yourself with supportive people with the same goals in mind. I found a really cool community called BraveHeart Women. I like this community because it has a lot of choices (you can search the community and find resources like passion and purpose, self esteem and empowerment, personal prosperity, global contribution as well as private communities). There are also blogs and discussions- a great resource for women!

BraveHeart Women Global Community Mission Statement:

To connect the Women of the world together in order to receive & give Inspiration in the areas of Self-Esteem, Empowerment, Purpose, Passion and Personal Prosperity while enhancing the world by being Brave Women who live from the Heart.

***Notice how ‘Brave’ is in the title? It does take courage to live from your heart:) If you are on a journey to be your true authentic self I applaud you!

More Resources:

If you love herbalism and wilderness awareness, the Anima Center has excellent holistic courses that include inner work as well- one of my personal mentors is Kiva Rose Hardin- if she has space available I encourage you to check out her courses if you feel she is a good fit.

There are many other online communities out there (as well as local support in your area). Find what fits for you and make your inner work a priority!

What are your thoughts on self esteem? Have you ever had a challenging experience with someone close to you who has low self esteem? Have you made wrong choices for you based on your low self esteem at the time? I would love to hear about it in the comments below!

Related articles

• 10 ways to value yourself and your family -boost self esteem (authenticmama.com)
• Why do Some Children Have Low Self-Esteem and Depression? (brighthub.com)

Valuing yourself is one of the best gifts you can give to your children.

There are many ways to boost self esteem and feel worthy, below are a few ideas that you can use together with your children to nourish self worth.

1. Celebrate what is already working for you and your family.

2. Visualize the way you want your relationship between you and your children, family, and spouse to be;  take steps to live it on a daily basis.

3. Be in touch with mind, body and soul:  Teach your children to use positive visualizations and guided imagery for learning, creativity and relaxation. Practice your spirituality.  Encourage daily physical exercise so you can be in touch with your body. Give massage therapy!

4. Encourage your children to listen to the wise voice within, and you do the same!

5. Laugh and play together!

6. Live with gratitude and take time to thank others by both giving and receiving (you are worthy of gifts too!).

7. Keep moving forward; always growing and changing toward your best authentic self.

8. Ask for support when needed.

9. Stop judging yourself, be aware that negative chattering inside the mind and find ways to overcome it.

10. Valuing the place you live also shows that you care about yourself and the world around you. Get outdoors as much as possible, slow down and appreciate the miracle of everyday life (For example:  identify a new flower in your yard, learn as much as you can about it and follow it’s cycle through the seasons, what are the birds, squirrels,  bugs and other wild animals doing during the year?) Discuss and learn with your children.

Additional Resources- wonderful books for you and your children :
I’m a Medicine Woman Too!: A Tale of Herbal Wisdom and Personal Empowerment

Spinning Inward: Using Guided Imagery with Children for Learning, Creativity & Relaxation
Sanctuaries of Childhood: Nurturing a Child’s Spiritual Life

Related articles

• A Non-Consumer Christmas: Simple Gifts for Kids and Grown-Ups (getrichslowly.org)
• Charlotte Reznick, Ph.D.: New Study on Guided Imagery for Healing Kids’ Chronic Pain (huffingtonpost.com)

LOVE  Comments! Are there things you can do to express value for your family?

“Why is it that when I don’t know what I want, there is always someone waiting to tell me what it is? I’m just lucky I guess. ~ Anne Wilson Schaef

Do you really know what your needs are?

If you are not living authentically, you may wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and wonder who the person is that is staring back at you.

If we get used to doing what everyone else expects of us, we may loose the ability to determine what we want. We may get confused about what it is exactly that is good and right for us.  Our needs are not being met because we do not know what those needs are.

Unless you know what you want, what your values are, and what is right for you, you cannot be an honest person. You are not only being dishonest with yourself, but you are being dishonest with everyone you are trying to please. You may think you are pleasing them, but the reality is they will never get to know the real you.

People who will try to punish you for being authentic

In The Essential Laws of Fearless Living by Guy Finley he states ” Walk away from anyone who “helps” you to feel that it’s necessary for you to hurt; leave anyone who causes you pain for “your own good”.

Often we may fear being authentic about our wants, needs and values because of the reaction of others. In my view, honesty is the best policy. Real love is unconditional.

“Never accept as natural or necessary any relationship outwardly- or inwardly – with a person or psychological state that punishes you. Say “NO” and just go! A whole new independent life awaits you.” Guy Finely

Here is a great needs inventory from the Center For Nonviolent Communication

This list may help you in your path to authenticity, do you recognize any of these needs that may not be getting met in your life right now? Are you able to communicate these needs in a healthy way with others?

Here are some great products and resources:   Guy Finely Fearless Living

The good girl

You may be thinking, ‘isn’t it good to be  ‘well behaved”?  If you are being genuine, it is your choice,  and you are not coming from a space of fear, then of course it is. On the flip side, being overly ‘well behaved’ can actually be dangerous, a girl may feel afraid to speak up when she is having a health issue, another girl may be afraid to tell a boy ‘no’  who is making sexual advances (and it is making her uncomfortable) , a boy may feel pressure from his peers to commit an act of violence, these are just a few extreme examples- but there are many more less obvious ones.

If you are being ‘good’ because you are afraid, resentment for others will begin to stew as you chip away your own needs and wants- this can be taxing on self esteem. It can be insidious, you may not even realize you are doing it.

Do you go ahead and eat something (cold, tastes bad, or the wrong order)  because you don’t want to ‘bother’ the wait staff?

Do you always say ‘yes’ right away because you don’t want to seem cold or unavailable to others? Resulting in you over- scheduling yourself/ feeling exhausted ?

Do you let yourself be pressured into things/ situations that are not right for you?

Do you not tell the truth because you are afraid you may hurt other people’s feelings?

Do you go against your gut feelings because you want to please others? And then later regret it?

Do you find it hard to ask for directions/ to speak up when you need help?

Standing up for yourself may have consequences- and others may not always like it

~but it’s necessary and worth it in the long run~

If you read my previous post I discuss how I made a decision that if I was ever put in that position – I would ‘do what I need to do’.  I had the opportunity in Mr. Kyles earth science class 5 years later to put this promise I made to myself to the test. I always had a problem speaking up to authority and a terrible fear of ‘getting in trouble’ or disappointing an authority figure- especially teachers. So asking to go to the bathroom (and going anyway after being told no) may not seem like a big deal, but it is the courage to do the little everyday things that are necessary to stand up for ourselves that give us the courage to really do it when the big major things arise.

The day it happened

Earth Science class was right after lunch, even though I would stop to go to the bathroom before class, it seemed like I always had to go again half way through. You were not allowed to drink or eat during classes, so of course during lunch I would make up for it with a 24 once cup full of Coca Cola.

Mr Kyle had this ridiculous rule that you could only go to the bathroom 3 times per year. He must have really loved this rule because he spent half of the first day of class explaining how he kept track of your bathroom breaks, and how he would not let anyone go past 3 under any circumstances.

I raised my hand and asked the dreaded question “can I go to the bathroom?” Mr kyles said “Well Angie, I think you used up your privileges, but let me take a look”. He opens his forest green ‘everyone’s bathroom habits’ notebook “Yep, just as I thought, you have used them all”. “But I really need to go” I replied. “Sorry, you should have thought of that at lunch, now get to work”.

My mind automatically thought back to Terry (who did not feel she could stand up for herself, so she ended up having an ‘accident’ in class), and all of sudden I could think of nothing else, I was afraid I was going to loose it. “I am sorry Mr Kyle but I have to go NOW” I said.  “YOU WILL NOT” I hear Mr Kyle state in the background as I am running down the hallway, out the double doors, halfway through the commons I had to stop and cross my legs- I managed to gather myself and made it to the bathroom. I hadn’t even came out of the stall when heard the click, click, click of Principle Myer’s maroon pumps on the tile floor. The clicking stopped and she stood there, her two feet right in front of my stall. When I came out Mrs Myer’s was giving me the evil eye”Come with me” ….

This was a major problem. You don’t just walk out of the classroom. I tried to explain that I had to go and it couldn’t wait. This was not good enough. I was taken out of Mr. Kyles classroom, had to re-take earth science the next year, my parents were called and I was sent home for the day.   My step dad delighted in grounding me for 2 weeks over the whole affair, and I got the lecture of how I should have thought about having to pee during the lunch break.

It was excruciating but worth it. I was told later by my science partner Matt that everyone in the classroom went into an uproar after I left- cheering and wailing. Turns out I was a catalyst to a near riot. The following weeks were full of hallway high-fives and ‘right on!’ from friends and strangers alike.

“Real authenticity is not some set of rules or a self-righteous definition about how people “should” be in life…it is the willingness and courage to be real, true, transparent, and vulnerable in the moment-by-moment, day-by-day experience of being in relationship with others and living this magical, mysterious, wonderful, crazy, exciting thing we call life.~ Mike Robbins”

If you want to make a positive difference in other people’s lives, you have to make a positive difference in your own life first.

If you have been playing the ‘good girl’ role, you may find it hard to start saying no, or disappointing others. As Cheryl Richardson states in her book Extreme Self Care.

“Most of us don’t like to hurt or disappoint our fellow men and women. It’s an uncomfortable thing to do. Some common reasons for this are:

We don’t want to feel guilty.
We don’t want to disappoint others because we know how bad it feels.
We don’t have the language to let someone down with grace and love.
Our fear of conflict and our desire to keep the peace keep us from telling the truth.
We want people to like us and are uncomfortable when they don’t. ”

Read Cheryl’s article to find out how to say ‘no’ with grace and love..

As a young girl,  I was proud of the fact that I was such a well behaved child, a ‘good girl’.

Sometime around the 4th grade I began to make a gradual shift from the ‘good girl’ role. I was getting tired of always feeling uncomfortable, not expressing how I really felt, and having to be so damn patient. I feared disapproval and craved acceptance, but something in me was changing.

In the 4th grade an event happened that changed my thinking, made me rethink this whole persona I was playing.

Mr. Skirtese was my 4th grade teacher. He was odd to say the least. No one could guess how old he really was, was he 50? was he 70? no one knew. He acted as if he was from a different planet (or perhaps arrived her on a time machine from some other country), some place where they wore big ties and spoke words people never used in the 80′s like ‘lavatory’. He always wore socks that were mismatched, and ties that were too big with odd color combination’s like salmon pink, turquoise,  and grass green.

Mr. Skirtese had a crush on my mom so he made sure that he always gave me extra ‘attention’,  constantly helping me with my assignments, leaning over to check my work. I sat there cringing,  he smelled like a combination of mothballs, stale coffee, and Pall Mall cigarettes. ‘Just get away from me’ I would think, as he was going over how to spell ‘scissors’ on more time. I just knew that the only reason he was being so nice to me was because he liked my mom.

Mr Skirtese drove me absolutely nuts, not to mention the fact that he put me in the position of ‘teacher’s pet’ something I did not want. I was loosing friends over the whole deal, they were starting to think that I was some sort of ‘goody two-shoes’. I couldn’t have that, I was still trying to assert myself as the schoolyard tom-boy.  I detested the teasing,  it pissed me off so bad that later in the year I ended up putting a tack on his chair (something I had NEVER done or even considered doing as the ‘good girl’), when he asked who did it, I admitted it on the spot. “I’m surprised at you Angie, this is not like you” I remember hearing him say. This of course backfired, because what followed was a series of parent teacher conferences, talking about my ‘problems’ while having to watch Mr Skirtese bat his eyes at my mom- YUK!

On the first day of class Mr Skirtese told everyone it was time to go to the lavatory.  Everyone eagerly lined up in a perfectly straight line outside the classroom thinking we were heading off to some fun science experiment involving volcanoes- turns out he was just taking us on a bathroom break. “Here in Troutdale we call it the bathroom” Tony Harris pipes up, before he lost his ‘lavatory’ privilege.

Mr Skirtese had specific rules for when the ‘lavatory’ would be used. So when Terri Ellis raised her hand to go- we all knew the answer would be no. I sat there and watched as Terri’s face turn pomegranate red, tears streaming down her cheeks, she sat there uncomfortable and scared. “Please Mr. Skirtese, I REALLY need to go” she pleaded. “Sorry Terri, Lavatory break was earlier today” Mr Skirtese said, sitting at his desk,  not looking up from his grading sheet.

There was a trickling sound, everyone turned to look at Teri, there was an uncomfortable silence when we saw the yellow stream of liquid flowing from Terry’s chair onto the floor. I wanted to go to her but the rules state we are to stay in our seats. She stood up, embarrassed and crying, hands covering her face,  her Normandy Rose Jeans dark with the wetness of urine- both front and back. Mr Skirtese  jumped up from his desk, he walked briskly toward Terri. Forcing a loud harsh whisper he said “If you really had to go that bad, you should have just went”.

Everyone was rushed out of class into the hallway.  The janitor came in a few minutes later with his long yellow gloves, a bucket and some sort of sanitizer.

I always regretted not going to Terri….

I also knew that that could have easily been me. I spent all of my previous years (however few) being the good girl, afraid to stand up for myself.

I told myself then and there- ‘I gotta do what I gotta do, if I ever have to go to the bathroom, (I mean REALLY have to go) I am going to do it- regardless of what ANYONE says’.

That is when I slowly started changing from the shy ‘good’ girl, to the still ‘pretty good’ rebellious teen, to the authentic woman I am now…

My opportunity came 5 year later: Read Part 2 Here

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. Albert Einstein

I use the example above of how growing up in a school environment can make it extremely hard to be authentic. We often feel pressure to pick a role for ourselves just so we can get through the day.  Sometimes these habits drift into our adult lives, effecting our everyday living long after we have graduated.

Do you go against your gut feelings because you want to please others and later regret it?

Do you have a ‘role’ or ‘persona’ that is not authentic to you?

Continue to part 2

More Resources;

Discover your true purpose, live witout fear and stress

Medicine Woman Core Course

Some names in the story have been changed:)

Last week me and the kids got a touch of the flu. I have went back and forth from thinking “it’s gone, oh yay!” to “it’s back again – oh no!” This one has really lingered! We rarely get sick so this was a real surprise. Besides learning that my body is trying to tell me to slow down, I also learned another valuable lesson this past week.

I lost my voice for a few days. I have no problem being silent during certain situations- alone time, hunting or fishing, in a massage session,  in a classroom, during a ceremony for example . But to have to remain silent when you actually need to use your voice was a real learning experience!

After just a few hours of not being able to speak, one of the first things I noticed was when I am talking, I am not fully aware of other things that are going on around me. I always knew this to some extent, but we get into habits- even patterns of how we talk to certain people, sometimes we don’t have this awareness. Sure conversation is usually a friendly give and take exchange, but not being able to speak (in situations where I would normally do so) made me realize how much I tend to take the lead in conversation. Also, not necessarily words but also sounds- laughing, making funny noises to my babies, these are all sounds I make throughout the day without really being aware of how often I do them!

Just the energy of the tone of your voice for example can really change a dynamic of an interaction.  I am a very naturally talkative person. I tend to use my voice to put others at ease in certain situations. It comes naturally to me so I did not realize how often I did this. I went to the store to get some soup (because I did not feel like making any) and was not able to say anything to the cashier (not even “hi” in an upbeat tone), he treated me completely different than what I am used to! Normally, if I felt a little uncomfortable  I would try to change this energy by saying something nice. I was not able to do this so it was a little odd to just move through the line, pay for my item without saying anything.

The few days I have not been able to talk I have noticed a lot more and have been much more present. I have noticed patterns me and my husband tend to get into. Just how often I take the lead in our relationship (he tends to be the ‘quiet one’ and I am the ‘talkative one’). I have also noticed that since I am not speaking, my husband is speaking more (or am I just noticing it more?)! I have become a lot more creative with my gestures- just trying to get my point across- we have had a few laughs (well, smiles and coughs for me).

I have really been unconscious about how many times I say “no” and “stop” to my 2 1/2 year old daughter and my 11 month old son. I have had to get real creative about how I deal with the taking of toys/ not sharing, climbing on cupboards, and other things that tots do. This has been a real blessing because I did notice that I say the word “no” way too much, or even raise my voice from across the room out of laziness.

The best gift of the whole thing is being able to have even more empathy for my daughter who has a language disorder. What a wonderful gift to be able to get just a little taste of how she feels for a few days. I have felt the occasional frustration, and also have noticed how others act toward me- completely different when you don’t speak up, sometimes it’s good, other times not so much. That whole dynamic of others speaking louder, slower, etc, assuming you have a hard time understanding is very interesting. It is not a good feeling when someone (well intentioned) acts like this- it just solidifies my hope that others will treat my daughter just like everyone else, something I find myself reminding people of when they are talking about her ‘disorder’ or ‘treatment plans’ or ‘lack of words’ in  front of her as if she cannot understand.

Also, just seeing how much I actually NEED my voice. I have had to cancel 2 conference calls- really inconvenient! I have a lot to say dang it!

It is one thing to say “think before you speak” but to actually not have the ability to speak and experience this for myself really solidified this lesson for me, not only that, I saw the impact my voice has on others,  and for that I am grateful! This like many other things is best learned by experience.

Anyway, everyone should try this (if you can) for a few days. It has been a great learning experience for me! I am hoping this cold or flu- whatever it is. Will be gone soon, so I can get back to my old self- talking away (but thinking a little more before I do)!!! LOL! -not really laughing out loud, my throat is too sore- but I am in my mind:)

Anyone else ever loose your voice? Did you learn anything from it? Do you think your voice has an impact on others?

The other day I was sitting in the coffee shop getting ready to do some computer work. I had just started typing when a well dressed man came up to the counter and began talking to the barista. I couldn’t help but overhear “ya, my girlfriend loves to watch those stupid shows like Jerry Springer, when I asked her why she said that it was because she loves to watch these f^%&ed up people because it makes her feel good about herself”.

At first I was annoyed, then I had an epiphany. There are actually people who like to see others not succeed – the lower others are, the better they feel. OK it is not like this was new news to me, I always knew there were people like this out there. The epiphany was I had heard this somewhere before, it was from a friend that I had not talked to since my daughter was born. Although I knew this friend had insecurities, I never thought she would take these out on me. I found out the hard way that no matter how much you want to help someone, they cannot give away what they don’t have.

You see, once I became pregnant with daughter, I decided there was no room for toxic relationships in my life. I decided I was no longer going to waste my time with it. It was not like I made some big announcement to the world, I just began to change. Sure I had a few setbacks, and boy, the people in my life at the time who were not used to this change in me tried to make a ruckus. This particular friend that I mentioned earlier caused nothing but drama and stress in my life when the most exciting, miraculous, amazing thing was happening. I was having a  successful pregnancy following recurring miscarriages. I had never been more happy in my life. I was hurt, frustrated and confused as to why she would try to cause so many problems in my life knowing full well all I had been through. She went so far as to get several other people involved and I ended up uninviting the people involved to my baby shower. I was always there for her, I trusted her, why was she doing this?

I had the  realization that when you begin to change and start respecting yourself, the people who were able to manipulate you in the past begin to notice the shift immediately and take evasive action. They test your boundaries, try to put you down, and manipulate so they can try to get a foot hold again. I will admit that this was a very stressful time, these were people that were fully interwoven into my life at the time- for whatever reason I felt combination of obligation, blame, and even victimized for a while.  Prior to my pregnancy I did not have the knowledge at the time to realize that by going along with the drama I was betraying my own values, it took the love for my daughter to make me come to the this realization. I did not feel deserving enough until the moment I became pregnant, I had came so far to get to this place after just experiencing 2 miscarriages. My daughter’s life was in my hands- yes it took that for me to realize.

” Never be upset when you find yourself in the valleys of life for in there lies all the nutrients for growth.” Barbara Johnson

The separation from these toxic relationships and the rearranging and restructuring of a few others was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I always prided myself in being honest and not betraying others but after I made this new  commitment to myself and my daughter, I realized that I had been betraying myself for a long time. I would never dream of doing this to someone else, yet it was OK for me to treat myself this way. Was I holding true to my values? Was I even sure what my values were?

After this began the process of being true to myself, and realizing I am the best judge of what is right for me. I deserve to be treated with respect. I made a commitment that I would establish a code of honor for myself and stick to it. I would continue to learn and grow.

Here are just a few things you can get do to get started if you feel you like your boundaries have been crossed, you’re not trusting yourself,  you are not respecting yourself, or you have toxic relationships in your life.

1. Make a commitment to be true to yourself and your values. This may include writing out a mission statement for yourself, place it somewhere where you can see it daily. Write affirmations to change those beliefs that have been placed on you that no longer serve you. You may even celebrate your new commitment with a ceremony or celebration.

2. Know yourself make time to stop, quiet yourself, and go withing daily. Accept yourself, appreciate your gifts, be compassionate not critical of your shortcomings, pay close attention to what you say and do, and get feedback from someone you can trust.

3. Know your values YOU define those!

4. Tell the truth- even if its uncomfortable or even painful.

5. Be willing to change and grow - deal with what you need to, let go and move forward.

6. Forgive yourself and others – be compassionate, don’t blame yourself or others.

7. Be bold, courageous and express your unique self!- celebrate your wild creativity!

More resources…

Medicine Woman Core Course

Click here for A Year of Guided Meditations

I received this book on Saturday and was not able to put it down. I began reading it at the coffee shop, intending to skim through it real quick before I wrote my usual blog post. Having two babies 2 and under I rarely read a ‘self help’ book cover to cover-  I usually just speed read, getting the relevant information I think may be useful before passing the book along to a friend. About 15 minutes into the book I found myself stopping to write my name on the inside cover- this will be a book I refer back to again and again! I took out my pencil and began to underline (I almost never write in books but I had so many “a ha” moments I just didn’t want that moment of insight to slip away). I am pretty sure Mike (the author) did not intend for us to just rip through the book in one day, but I just couldn’t help myself! Now, I am going to go back through and begin working on the exercises and do some more journaling (and probably writing blog posts) about some of the things I find out about myself along the way.

One of the most refreshing things I found about the book from the beginning is the author is honest, open and vulnerable about himself. Instead of portraying himself as some totally enlightened guru, he lets us know he is a real person with the common struggles that all of us have faced. The difference is he is going to share what he has learned on his journey and how we can apply some of these insights in our own lives.

“We are not victims of our culture, family, or any of the things we have been taught in the past or are currently reminded of in the present. It is, however, essential that you acknowledge these influences, so that you can admit them, own them, and ultimately take responsibility for how you have internalized these messages and why it can be difficult for you to be authentic”  Mike Robbins

As soon as I read the above quote I say -Yes! (I think I even said it out loud with a few glances over at me from the fellow patrons at Mountain Moka). In the book Mike explains some of the influences, challenges, feelings and beliefs that may make it hard for us to be our authentic selves, how to recognize these, what impact they have had on us, and then gives real tools to use and questions to ask ourselves so we can move toward speaking our truth.

“When we worry that people will not like us, we’re reacting to the place within us that already doesn’t like ourselves”- Mike Robbins

I also found myself smiling when mike discussed the inner “gremlin” which I have always called “the voice” – you know the one, that one that one of self criticism that tells you that you are not good enough, that you don’t fit in, that people won’t like or accept you, someone is going to figure out that you are not ‘all that’.  Mike discusses how we can acknowledge the “gremlin” with compassion so it no longer runs our life.

” Noticing and owning our own inauthentic ways of being and acting is actually what gives us access to being more real in any given situation or relationship, and in the moment-by-moment experience of our lives” Mike Robbins

Part 2 of the book discusses the five principles of authenticity and how we can can put those into practice for ourselves.

1. Know Yourself

2. Transform Your Fear

3. Express Yourself

4. Be Bold

5. Celebrate Who You Are

All the principles build upon each other to show you how you can be more real in your relationships, work and life. I am just cracking open the potential of this book, the pages will be dog eared, marked on and the book will be attached to my hip (well my other hip, baby on the other side) for days to come! I will be buying quite a few more copies for my friends and family.

I know this book is going to continue to be absolutely transformative in my life. I can’t wait to share with you my journey as I apply these principles and have even more epiphanies about myself as I re-read the book.

The entire book is so empowering, I know this short little review did not do it justice but I am so excited about the book I just wanted to get this info out there in the hopes that other authentic mamas will purchase the book for themselves! I am not affiliated with the book in any way:) I just genuinely think this is the most eye opening book I have read in a long time. Thank you Mike Robbins!

Anyone interested in Participating in an email book club can join Authentic Mama yahoo group and/or on NING. I will be discussing my insights as I work through the book in the group- I hope you join me!

photo credit: Jocko B.

Maya is a mom with two small children and works 40 hours a week at a job she does not love. She gives time and energy to her children and to her job but feels in a constant state of stress. Her life is controlled by a to-do list and she has no time for herself. Some days she feels her authentic self disappearing as she tries to keep up with the needs of her family. Deep down she knows there is more to life than the way she lives now but she doesn’t know how to rejuvenate her life.

Have you ever felt like the woman in this story?

As a mom, do you ever feel as if your authentic sense of self is being smothered by people and things that demand your time, attention, and energy?

As moms, we are givers. We give time to our children. We give energy to organizing the family schedule and household chores. We give attention to those who are sick or who are in need. We give advice such as wash your hands and eat your veges. We give hope to those who need it most. And as if that was not enough giving, we also happen to give birth to life. As authentic mamas, we are givers.

I’m here to tell you that it’s time to give to the most important person in your life – YOU! If you are not putting yourself first, all of the giving you do will eventual leave you empty and exhausted.

Today I give you permission to put yourself first.

1. Take Time for Silent Relaxation. Even 5 minutes a day of meditation is enough time to feel the benefits within your body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Putting yourself first means connecting with your sense of self awareness.

2. Take Action Towards Your Dreams. When I started CreateaBalance.com back in February 2008, I realized I was living my dream simply by taking actions towards my dreams. Once you have determined what your dreams and goals are, incorporate baby action steps towards achieving these dreams. SARK recommends using micromovements to reach your goals, which means every action step is only 5 minutes or less. She figures everyone can manage almost anything for 5 minutes.

3. Connect with Like-Minded Women. Busy routine-filled lives can give us a sense of being isolated from others. To live fully and authentically, it is essential to find time to connect with people you enjoy. If you can’t remember the last time you spent time with friends (without your children) then it is time to put yourself first and schedule a fun day or night out with a friend! Connecting with online friends is a great way to get a quick friendship fix. Embrace the power of relationships and have fun connecting with others.

4. Get Moving. I don’t care if you are training for a marathon, using the farthest parking space from the mall, or taking a sun-lit walk around the block. You are putting yourself first every time you choose to move your body towards the goal of being physically fit. Creatively incorporate some sort of movement into what you already love to do.

5. Feed Your Body Love. I recognize there are many opportunities to make poor choices when it comes to diet and nutrition. Goodness knows almost every restaurant in my town loads piles of french fries onto my sons’ plates. I hate having to resist those fries all through my meal. I do resist them, however, because I am putting myself first and making an active choice to eat healthy. I am not 100% successful, but if I choose to eat unhealthy food it is usually a result of putting myself last.

6. Do What You Love. List twenty things you love doing. Then think about the last time you put yourself first and found time to do these things. Can you find a few things on your list that you can do this week?

7. Honor Your Time. In the Artist’s way, Julia Cameron suggests reflecting on the major activities of your week. Once you create a list of your major activities, think about how much time you gave to each one? Which were what you wanted to do and which were “shoulds”? How much of your time is spent helping others and ignoring your own desires?

If you could take one micromovement towards putting yourself first today, what would you do?

Bio:

Stacey Hoffer Weckstein is a life coach, change management consultant, presenter, trainer, and a global advocate for finding “me” time and putting yourself first. She brings over 14 years of experience in the field of adult learning and human development and helps thousands of people think about and practice the art of life balance.

Stacey’s coaching style and her blog, CreateaBalance.com encourage you to embrace your authentic sense of self, to live with intention, to practice putting yourself first, to hold yourself accountable, and to take action towards living your best life.

When Stacey became a working mom back in 2003, she knew she had to balance the needs of her inner authentic self with the needs of all of the other things that demanded her time, attention, and energy. This process of practicing the art of life balance was one of the most powerful and liberating experiences of her life.

She is now committed to helping other people balance their essential “me” time with everything else that demands their time, attention, and energy.

She has worked with entrepreneurs, large corporations, non-profit organizations, health care systems, academic institutions, and government agencies. She holds a Masters degree in Human Resource Development from Louisiana State University and a Bachelor’s of Science degree, with honors, from Michigan State University.

I am honored that Stacey provided this awesome post for authentic mama. Be sure and visit her awesome website Create a Balance today!