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What is the point of this blog? These were my thoughts this morning as that creative spark has turned into a flame for me again.
Why do I feel called to write?
For the past few months I have not been writing at all. Something that happened here on the blog took the wind out of my sails. This has not been an easy journey for me, yet I continue to put myself out there by the things I choose to write about.
Someone that is close to me does not agree with my take on life in general. They went on a search of everything I have ever written (both on my blogs and on forum posts) and then told me how messed up I was because of it- using my own quotes against me like ammo in some kind of declared war. They even went so far as to say I am on a road to hell, taking my kids along with me. Don’t get me wrong, I knew I was open to this when I started writing. When it happened though, I was just tired.
Admitting that this effected me at all sounds ridiculous to me now. But as I said, I was tired. The monitoring of the comments, the phone calls, the emails, (although I nipped this in the bud quickly) if this person who used to be so close to me acted this way- what do I have to look forward to in the future from others? As I evolve and change on my path (and it is all written down on the net) will I have to face this judgement? Yep- is the answer. The question is am I willing (being a sensitive and normally private person) to put up with it all?
So I retreated into other projects with my herbs and reading- finding other ways to nurture my creativity and my spiritual life.
But back to the ‘why’ of it all.
I wanted to inspire people to find their own authentic path, connect with their own passions and spirit. I wanted to change the way people looked at life and themselves (the good and the bad)- because this is what other people’s writing did for me.
Guess what? I did!
I started to think about all the energy this person put into examining every aspect of my writing/ comments/ life- and how this must be effecting them personally. The fear and control that is wrapped up in thinking that someone has to think like you- be like you- and that your way is the right and only way- how exhausting! Although it may seem negative, it had some profound effect on them, and who knows what it will do for them in the future! Maybe it will make them more in line with their own spiritual journey.
The point? I don’t expect everyone to agree with me on this blog. If you are still here (after months of me not writing) can I tell you how incredibly humbled and grateful I am that you are reading my words?
What an incredible lesson. The courage to be myself and express myself to SPITE whether others think it is positive or negative – to be authentic- even when the pressure really heats up. To be able to strongly face the ‘investigation’ and ‘interrigation’ into every aspect of how I think and live. To be able to stand up and say- your damn right this is the way I choose to be- THIS IS ME! I am not what you think I should be- but a unique person who does not fit into any label. Just like the wonderful plants I love so much I am always growing and changing.
Another interesting thing, I am not writing this with the intention of saying ‘O poor me’ rather, to show that it is completely normal to have this happen if you don’t just go along with the crowd. Really, this was bound to happen sooner than later. I spent a long time in my life ‘not rocking the boat’ and seeking approval from family and friends. It reminds me of “the logical song’
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.
Thank you for being on this journey with me. I am going to keep writing, I am going to keep experiencing my life in the unique way that I do.
Hey, I may not fit into any box- I have came to the conclusion- I DON’T WANT TO BE IN A BOX!
If you are still here, thanks for reading!
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
You answered your own question. The point is to be gloriously, bravely, powerfully, authentically, herb pickingly YOU! Welcome back.
Thank you janice! So glad you are still here! I had a feeling there would be nothing but a bunch of crickets chirping!
What a process!
Angie,
Good for you! Stick with it and don’t let someone else dictate what you do. You should be proud of yourself and what you do. Most people don’t have the guts to do what they really want and when they see others doing it, they get jealous. Laying a guilt trip on you and making you feel like you are doing something wrong will only work if you let it.
I too write about personal things on my blog and that’s what makes it different. Deep down people admire someone who is not afraid to put themselves out there. Most people spend there whole day trying to impress others that they don’t even know and conforming to other peoples standards. You are strong and courageous. Don’t give up because of what others say. Do what you think is right in your heart. The ones that truly are your friends will be there in the end.
Hello Kelly and welcome to the blog! Thank you so much for your kind and inspiring words!
You really nailed it! I think you are right that most people don’t have the guts to do what they want, and begin to get resentful. I think change in general makes people uncomfortable, and when they see you are not conforming they take out their insecurities on you.
~ Your wise words will stick with me today~
I will be at your blog checking out your authentic writing!
If at the end of the day you can gently lay your head on your pillow and feel that warm glow in your heart of knowing you have been your truest and most authentic self in all realms, then I would say you are as nature intended…..perfectly and uniquely you!
That may qualify as a run-on sentence but, oh well!
I am newer here and enjoying getting caught up with past blogs. I am EXCITEDLY signing up at ACHS (been on my vision board for 2+ years) to obtain my Aromatherapy certificate, so our paths may cross some day.
May magic happen for you this year!
Welcome Tami!
Thank you for all of your kind words!
That is wonderful you are signing up for ACHS! I have given a few lectures there this year (about herbal remedies for children). Do you live in the Portland area? Maybe our paths will cross someday!
If you love herbs, you may also like my blog http://www.herbalistpath.blogspot.com
Happy new year!
Keep in touch~ and blessings!